


heavy crown, heavy heart

by prouveyrac



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (hint it is logan GASP), Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Romance, Royalty, roman has feelings for a certain nerd from his past, royalty!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-04 23:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Prince Roman Sanders, eldest son of the royal Sanders family, always knew that there would be a time when he would be forced to accept his responsibilities and marry so that he could keep the family name strong. He would one day inherit the throne from his father and he was expected to hit the ground running with keeping the Sanders a strong ruling family. When his father finally decided that it was time for Roman to give up and give in, Roman believed that his quest to find true love was finished. He would have to settle for a marriage with someone that he did not desire and a crown on his head that was far heavier than he expected. That is, however, until the returning of a friend from his past made him realize everything that he ever wanted was so close to being his, he just had to be ready to put up a fight for what -and who- he loved.





	1. chapter one

The castle walls stood high up above Roman. Tapestries hung around the ceilings and windows in vibrant shades of red and gold. The sun glinted off the marble floors that already shone so brightly and neatly without the sun’s radiance. If Roman squinted, he could see his own reflection squinting back at him. Lush seats with even lusher cushions sat on the outskirts of the room, but Roman and his brothers knew better; they were never allowed to sit and play in here, and even now, they were still barred from the throne room unless they were summoned. Busts of previous kings and queens adorned the room, all of their stone-cold eyes boring into Roman’s soul. His father’s was still in the process of being chiseled. Roman didn’t know how he would handle seeing his father’s steely gaze on him twice as much.

Finally, his eyes drifted to the throne. A gold base and velvet red cushions, it was a throne that would one day be his. It stood raised on a platform, accessible after walking up a small set of steps. Still, as Roman approached the throne, he still had to crane his neck up to look whoever sat in it in the eye.

And that “whoever” took the form of the King, of his father. His father stared at Roman as he grew closer, his gaze neutral but, nevertheless, Roman felt a chill travel down his spine. Roman had been taken from his room, where he had been working on what could be his artistic masterpiece (a hobby his father condemned), by their squire that he was required in the throne room.

Patton and Virgil, whose doors were left ajar, had stared at Roman when he passed. Roman had ignored his younger brothers, not wanting to trouble them and their imaginations as his already were. Still, though, he could not ignore the growing pit of anxiety in him as he finally reached the base of the stairs. He could not think of what he could have done to irritate his father, even though, typically, there was always something.

 Roman took in the man before him. Even with their age difference, Roman could barely see the resemblance. The only thing the father and son had in common were their deep brown eyes, but even then, his father’s were typically cold and judging. Roman hoped that his weren’t the same. His younger brothers took more after their father, adorning the light brown hair that he used to have before it greyed. Patton and Virgil possessed softer features, and the two even had dimples. Roman barely recalled seeing his father smile, but he assumed that his father had them, too. Roman, however, with his red hair and sharper features, took more after their mother.

Roman remembered of her what he could. He remembered her long red hair always pulled back into a braid. He remembered her warm smile in such a stark contrast to her husband’s. He remembered how excited she was to raise three children and see them happily grow up. He remembered her telling him, when he was six, about how he would be the best older brother ever and how he would lead Patton, three at the time, and their unborn sibling to greatness.

He remembered her not coming back after Virgil’s birth, not coming back at all.

Her throne was still pushed up against the back wall in the throne room. A sheet had been thrown over it sixteen years ago. A week ago, Roman had managed to sneak in and get a look at the sheet; it was covered in so much dust, he believed that no one had touched it since.

Roman finally cleared his throat. “You asked for me, father?” He asked, relieved that his voice was not too loud or soft, and didn’t waver.

“I did,” his father replied, tilting his head to get a better look at his eldest son. The sun caught his crown and sent glittering specs of red and gold onto the white floor. “I have news that it is imperative you know of immediately.”

“Of course,” Roman agreed. Now that he knew that he was not about to face consequences for something that he did not even know if he committed, he grew curious for what his father had to tell them. His initial fear was that a war had began to brew somewhere close to the kingdom. Being the eldest of his brothers, it was Roman’s duty to lead their royal army into battle if they were threatened. However, he believed that he would have heard by now if violence had been raging in other countries.

“You remember the Clark family, correct, Roman?” His fathered questioned with a raised brow.

Roman nodded. At the mention of their family’s old companions, his nerves instantly vanished. “Yes, Duke and Duchess Clark,” he answered. “Their son Logan and I were friends when we were children, though we have not seen them since they moved eight years ago.”

His father nodded. “Yes, well, they are making a journey back to our city. The family will be staying in our guest wing.”

A grin then formed on Roman’s face. Himself and Logan Clark had been close companions when they were children. Despite their differences, with Logan who wished to have his nose in a book while Roman dreamed of the worlds they could play pretend in in the garden, the pair got along rather well. Roman had been devastated when Logan’s family decided to move away from the kingdom so that their son could pursue a higher education at a prestigious academy, and he had not seen his friend since. They were fourteen at the time of the Clarks’ departure. He had always thought his friend was attractive then, in the way where Roman could fawn over him for hours (of course he never told anyone that, however). He was always much more occupied with Logan than with the girls that came around to see them.

He wondered what the years had done to Logan now.

“Oh, splendid,” Roman beamed. “It has really been so long since I have seen Logan. We can grow him once again accustomed to life around here-”

“They are not here for a vacation, Roman,” his father interrupted, his tone chastising. “Logan is not here to attend the balls and parties that you feel so inclined to venture to. You boys are both twenty-two and coming to an age where you must start to assume responsibilities.”

The grin dropped from Roman’s face as dread started to fill his stomach. He began to realize that he should have walked into the throne room anticipating something much worse than war.

“Their arrival back to our kingdom is not the only news I must deliver to you,” his father continued. “Myself and Duke Clark believe that it is time that you and Logan find wives. You two are both adults now and the ones who must continue to carry out family names.”

“L-Logan cannot find a wife where the family is living now?” Roman asked, mentally kicking himself for stuttering. Even if Logan and his family was not coming to stay at their castle, Roman did not believe that his father would drop whatever plans of marriage he had. Still, though, something felt wrong about being forced to find a wife alongside an old friend.

“Duke Clark knows very well that the best wife for his son will be among people like us,” his father said. “You and Logan need wives that will only work to elevate you, not common folk who will tarnish reputations.”

“But what about my training?” Roman asked, unable to stop the words from tumbling out in a jumbled mess. “I have been working with our knights to perfect my own training. I know I am a prince but I have been training rather hard. Must we look for a wife for me so soon? I do not think it would be beneficial-”

“I do not think you are in the right state to tell me what is and is not beneficial,” his father snapped, interrupting Roman. “Consider yourself fortunate, Roman, that I did not find you a wife after what you did two years ago. Consider yourself very fortunate, and more so if you choose not to make a mockery of us once more.”

Roman flinched at the memory his father drudged up. Two years ago, another noble family visiting the castle for a ball that was being held. Roman, in an abandoned supply room, pulling at tunics and his hands flying over hard muscle, lips bruised and crates being shoved out of the way in place of their bodies. A servant noticing, his father being alerted, the noble man being thrown out along with his family, Roman being confined to his room.

Roman swallowed thickly, realizing that his father had already made up his mind about what was to be done with his son who had no interest in taking a wife. It was a fact that Roman always knew, and he believed his father knew, too.

King Sanders and Duke Clark finding wives for their sons together was not just a decision made by old friends. It was to let Roman know that all eyes would be on him; he could not run and do as he pleased if he constantly had another by his side. Logan was there to make sure Roman did not stray far from the women they would be meeting.

Roman wondered if Logan was in on the plan, if he knew why their fathers were conducting this, and felt his stomach twist with anxiety and a bitter taste creep its way up his throat.

“Now, do I make myself clear of what is expected of you, Roman?” His father asked. There was no room for negotiation. “You might be the heir now, but that can change very quickly.”

Roman forced himself to nod. “Yes, father,” he said quietly.

“The Clarks will be arriving in a fortnight, then. You are dismissed,” his father said with a dismissive handshake.

Roman turned on his heel and walked out of the throne room. He focused on the clicking of his shoes on the marble floor to distract himself from how his throat felt like it was closing and tears brimmed on his eyes. He forced them back, harshly rubbing at his eyes.

He stalked past his brothers’ rooms. The rooms, set across from each other, had both their doors wide open. Both Patton and Virgil peaked their head out as their oldest brother quickly passed.

“What did he say?” Virgil asked.

“Nothing,” Roman’s voice was clipped.

“Is everything alright?” Patton asked.

By the time the middle brother asked that question, Roman had already reached his own room. He swung the doors open and, instead of giving Patton an answer, slammed them shut. Then, with a strangled shout of frustration, he ripped off his sash and overcoat, surprised that the delicate material did not rip. He kicked off his shoes and watched them fly across the room in a very unprincley manner. Left only now in his tunic and trousers, he flopped down onto his bed and stared up at the canopy that hung over him.

He breathed deeply, willing himself to calm down. He should have expected this to happen all along. For his entire life, he knew that one day he would be married. There were multiple noble families in their kingdom with single, eligible daughters. One of them would have to end up marrying him.

Besides, Logan was a dream, an impossible idea, eight years ago. And any attempt at anyone after then had proved to be a failure. Maybe his father was right. Maybe Roman did finally have to accept his responsibilities.

Roman lifted his head when there was a soft knock at his door.

“Roman?” Patton said quietly from the other side. “Can we come in?” With the  _we_ , Roman could only assume that Virgil was with him.

Roman sighed and flopped his head back onto his pillows. “If you must,” he said.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as his younger brothers walked in. Virgil shuffled in from behind Patton and Patton gently shut the door behind him.

“What happened, Roman?” Patton asked, sitting in one of the chairs Roman had set up in his room as Virgil took the other.

Roman huffed out a bitter laugh. “I had a wonderful conversation with our father,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“Did it go that bad?” Virgil asked and Roman tilted his head to see his youngest brother looking at him with a cocked eyebrow.

“You tell me, Virgil,” Roman said. “Our father summons me in there and informs me that Duke and Duchess Clark, along with their son Logan, will be staying with us for a while.”

“Oh, that is so nice!” Patton interjected, beaming. “It has been so long since we have seen them!”

“Which is what I said,” Roman continued with a sigh. At seeing his brother’s already resigned attitude, the smile fell off of Patton’s face into a concerned frown. “I thought it would be a joy to be reunited with an old friend who I have not seen for almost a decade. That was, until our father informed me exactly why the Clarks were coming back to the kingdom.”

Both of his brothers blinked at Roman. He could see them both putting the pieces together in their heads. They shared a concerned look before sliding it to Roman.

“Our father does not mean…” Virgil started but trailed off, not wanting to voice the unwanted truth.

“Oh yes, Virgil,” Roman said with an eyeroll. “Our father wishes for Logan and myself to find wives here. He believes that it is time that we accept our adult responsibilities, and who better to make sure that the proud, unmanageable prince does what is expected of him?” He tried to let out another laugh but it sounded more like a wet cough.

“Roman,” Patton said quietly, pity laced into his voice. Both Patton and Virgil knew where Roman stood on love and marriage. His brothers were the only people in their kingdom who he felt that he could talk to and not be judged or scorned. The three had always stuck together, even from when they were children. At the time of their mother’s death, Roman took responsibility himself to protect Patton, who was only a toddler at the time, and guide Virgil the way his mother would have expected him to. How funny now, that Patton and Virgil were now the ones to supply the support Roman always gave them.

“I should have expected it,” Roman sighed. “I always knew that this would happen someday.”

“But that does not mean that it is right,” Virgil said, his frustration mimicking Roman’s. “You are the heir, you should be able to choose what you want to do.”

“The one who is forcing me to do this is the one who could easily remove me as heir,” Roman said. “To listen to him condemns me to a life I do not want, but so does defying him. I have no other option than to listen and obey.”

“I  _am_ sorry, Roman, truly,” Patton said softly.

“Me too,” Roman said, his voice barely reaching his brothers.

“Maybe every single one of them will be terrible,” Virgil said. “Terrible enough that even father would not want them in the family.”

Roman, at that, actually managed to let out a genuine laugh. “That would be ideal, would it not?” he asked, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “Anyhow, we have two weeks before the Duke, Duchess, and Logan arrive. So, I guess we will have to wait two weeks to see if you are correct.”


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Logan was different. Logan was always different. Frankly, Logan did not care that Roman was the heir to the throne, and Roman liked that he did not care. As children, Logan was not intimidated by the grandeur of the castle. He did not stutter out proper titles for Roman, did not bow to him in a way that would have been comical for a child. As teenagers, Logan was there for him, truly there for him, when Roman felt like everyone else just saw a prince. Logan was there with Roman to peruse the library and pour over notebooks and paintings together; was there to help corral his brothers and be the standing support when his family became too much at times. Logan was there as the one to catch Roman’s eye in a youthful adoration, not the girls brought to him in hopes of a future marriage being arranged.

Roman would be lying if he said that he had not been waiting for the day the Clarks arrived. Despite his fear of the marriage that would follow their arrival, and of how Logan might know exactly why they would be finding wives together, Roman could not dull down his excitement of seeing an old friend. When Logan and his family still lived in the kingdom, in an estate not too far away from the castle, Roman believed that Logan spent more time playing with Roman in the garden and running through the castle halls than he was home.

Roman often was not allowed to play outside of the castle grounds. The Sanders were the royal family for generations and, inevitably, had enemies. For fear of what would happen if the young prince was let outside of the castle gates, his father had implemented a strict and strong rule that Roman, nor his brothers, would be allowed out without guards to watch them. After one journey out, surrounded by four guards, Roman had decided that it would be better to stay inside than have every eye in the city on him.

If it was not for Logan, Roman would not have had any friends outside of his brothers.

He remembered other noble families coming to the castle for meetings, bringing their young children along in hopes that a companionship would be formed between them and the young heir. Though, none of them had been Logan. These other children treated every meeting like business, even when Roman just wanted to show them the toys and trinkets gifted to him. Even at a young age, they knew that being friends with Roman could grant them power. Then, as they grew into adolescence, Roman could not escape people throwing themselves at him in hopes that they would declare them a future knight, a future adviser, a future wife. They always saw Roman as the Prince, a ticket to an elevated status, not as young boy in need of close companionship.

But Logan was different. Logan was always different. Frankly, Logan did not care that Roman was the heir to the throne, and Roman _ liked _ that he did not care. As children, Logan was not intimidated by the grandeur of the castle. He did not stutter out proper titles for Roman, did not bow to him in a way that would have been comical for a child. As teenagers, Logan was there for him, _ truly _ there for him, when Roman felt like everyone else just saw a prince. Logan was there with Roman to peruse the library and pour over notebooks and paintings together; was there to help corral his brothers and be the standing support when his family became too much at times. Logan was there as the one to catch Roman’s eye in a youthful adoration, not the girls brought to him in hopes of a future marriage being arranged.

And then, when they were fourteen, Logan’s parents took him away to a prestigious academy, and Roman was left to grow up alone. Alone while guiding his brothers, alone while nobles of all families threw themselves at him in hopes of gaining esteemed privileges. Alone while he walked the castle halls, growing older each day with his childhood companion hundreds of miles away.

Now, however, Roman and Logan were going to be reunited after eight long years, and reunited _ today _ .

Roman grinned at his reflection in the elegant, gold plated mirror that hung on his wall. If Roman was being completely honest, he believed he looked quite charming. His red hair was swooped to the side, no piece out of place. His white coat pinned and neat and his red sash draped perfectly and vibrantly. Of course, he believed that the childish crush on his old companion had faded; eight years is a sufficient time to overcome one’s feelings. 

He still had to make a good impression, however.

Roman did not turn away from the mirror when there was a soft knock on his door. “You may come in,” he said, watching the reflection of the door swing open. His father’s adviser stood in the doorway and Roman raised an eyebrow.

“Your Highness, if you are quite finished admiring your reflection, your father wishes to see you in the parlor,” the other man said. “Duke and Duchess Clark, along with their son, are arriving shortly.”

Roman could not hold back his grin. He spun around on his heel and started to make his exit. “Very well,” he said. “But I will have you know that, when you have an appearance such as mine, it bodes well to admire it from time to time.”

The Adviser shook his head with a sigh but, nevertheless, followed Roman out. “Keep that charm about you, Your Highness. It does you well.” His words were only slightly dipped in sarcasm.

“I am well aware,” Roman smirked as he was lead into the parlor. Patton and Virgil sat on opposite ends of one of the many loveseats. Patton, adorning a light blue jacket, grinned at Roman as he entered, though something about it appeared off to Roman. Virgil wore a jacket that was deep purple and looked too big on him, despite it being tailored for him. His father stood in waiting, standing upright and rigid. He looked over his tardy, eldest son with a critical eye and Roman had to force himself not to fidget with the decor of his jacket as he sat in between his brothers. It was then that he noticed the dullness behind Patton’s eyes and the dark circles under Virgil’s, but he would not even attempt starting a conversation with his brothers if his father already had something to say.

“Kind of you to finally join us, Roman,” his father said. “It is good to know that you need a formal invitation to make an appearance when we have esteemed guests arriving.”

“It has been so long since we have seen the Clarks, I have to make the best second-first impression,” Roman defended with a grin, hoping it did not look nearly as sheepish as he felt.

“Which is exactly why I called you three here,” his father began. “We are the Clarks’ welcome back into the kingdom. Over the course of the next few weeks, they will be staying in our guest wing, as you all already know. I expect you three to be on your best behavior.” Despite the fact that the King was addressing all three of his sons, his eyes flicked between Roman and Virgil only. “By now, you should all know how important this will be. We do not need any more setbacks.”

Roman met his father’s eyes and knew exactly what he meant - _ whom _ he meant- with “any more setbacks”. Bad enough that Roman was against any marriages forced onto him; the kingdom might as well crumble if Virgil and Patton, too, voiced how unfair it was.

“We understand, Father,” Roman said for the three of them. “Everything will be perfect.”

“I pray it will be,” their father said, the doubt evident in this voice, when the doors were opened and his adviser walked in.

“Your Majesty,” the man said. “Duke Clark’s carriage is coming up the path right now.”

The King thanked him and followed him out, leaving the three brothers on their own.

“Took you long enough to finish pampering yourself,” Virgil said once the doors slammed shut behind their father. It was as if he had been waiting to say that since Roman arrived.

“Yes, it did, considering I do care about my appearance,” Roman sneered. “You should try it, Virgil. It might help with those eyebags.”

Virgil was halfway through saying an expletive to Roman when Patton cut in with an exasperated, “ _ Stop it _ , we have to be on our best behavior, father said so.”

“Patton, he was quite clearly talking to me and Roman-”

“Roman and I,” Roman corrected, more for the sake of being able to shoot his brother a smirk than anything else.

Virgil slid Roman a glare. “He was clearly talking to  _ Roman and I _ , Patton. You cannot do anything wrong in his eyes.”

Patton frowned. “That is not true,” he mumbled, adjusting his glasses though they had not shifted on his face.

“Of course it is,” Roman said. “You could spit in the Duke’s face and our father would ban  _ him _ from the kingdom for offending _ you _ .”

Patton averted his eyes. “Roman-”

“Ask for anything and it is yours, that is the way it has always been,” Roman continued, looking over to Virgil. “Do you think that, if Patton asked our father to call off whatever marriage he had planned for me, he would do it?”

“Roman, _ stop _ ,” Patton interjected. His tone was suddenly tense and pleading, and when Roman looked back at his brother, he saw that Patton was already staring at him with a hard look in his eyes.

Roman blinked but nodded slowly. Patton then sighed and looked away, worrying his bottom lip and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Roman, unable to figure out how he offended Patton, looked to Virgil, who only wore the same confused expression and gave a small shrug. Their father’s blatant favoritism of Patton was not unknown to any of them, and the three had made a joke out of it instead of a sibling rivalry. How he suddenly upset Patton, Roman was unsure of. He did not have time to ponder, however, for the parlor doors were pushed open by two of their guards and in walked their father with Duke Clark at his side. The princes stood up as Duchess Clark and a man Roman did not recognize stepped out from behind his father and the Duke.

His father said something, something that he definitely should have been listening to, but he was too distracted by the young man. A strapping, muscular man that had to stand  _ at least _ a few inches over Roman. Brown hair styled to perfection and a dark blue waistcoat over a white shirt, which was tucked into tan trousers. A cravat was knotted neatly around his neck, and hazel eyes shone brightly behind a pair of round glasses-

_ Round glasses. _

He truly believed that he felt his heart skip a beat.

Roman suddenly had to will himself to remain composed, for this muscular man in front of him, with his chiseled features and bright eyes and perfect hair, this  _ gorgeous _ man, was Logan Clark, his old childhood friend. His old friend who -last time Roman checked- was barely able to fill out any of his clothes properly and always hid behind round glasses and a book.

The years had definitely been kind to Logan. However, this situation was _ not _ being kind to Roman, for if he already felt a flutter in his heart just by seeing Logan, how would he handle living in the same vicinity for weeks?

“And, of course, you remember my eldest, Roman,” his father’s voice is what smacked Roman back into reality. Right. He had to be addressing their guests and being prince-like and not gaping at the friend he had not seen in eight years.

“Prince Roman,” Duke Clark said with a bow as his wife curtsied. He came up beaming. “My, look at you! You are a grown man now!”

“It is a pleasure to see you again, Duke Clark. It is good to see that you and your family has remained well these past few years,” Roman said with a grin. He then looked to Logan. “And that Marquess Logan has returned to us an educated man.”

Logan smiled at Roman, a small and sincere one that turned up into dimples, and issued a bow of his own as the Duke continued to say, “My old friend, we should leave these two to talk, just as we should, should we not? It has been so long since we have all last seen each other. I think we all deserve time to catch up.”

The King nodded in agreement and Roman watched as his father led the Duke and Duchess out. When the doors shut behind them, Roman turned to Logan with a grin.

“It seems that the years have been kind to you, Logan,” he commented.

“Thank you,” Logan said. “I can say the same for you, Prince Roman.”

Roman flinched at the use of his proper title. “Please, you do not have to be so formal with me,” he pleaded. “You never called me ‘Prince Roman’ when we were children, I certainly do not think you have to start now.”

A smile formed on Logan’s face. Roman could see the relief behind it. “I did not think it was going to stick either,” he said. “I have missed you, Roman. It is good to finally see you again.”

\--

“It is pleasant to see that Patton and Virgil are doing well,” Logan said as he followed Roman through the castle halls. “They have both grown so much.”

Roman huffed out a sigh. “Oh, do not remind me,” he said. “I feel old just thinking about it. To think that eight years has passed already. I already know that I am beginning to wither away.”

When Roman looked to his companion, he could not help but laugh at Logan’s astonished, if slightly concerned, expression. “I do not know what is harder to believe,” Logan said with a shake of his head. “That you have somehow become more dramatic over the course of eight years, or you, with your regimen and your ego, think you are already aging.”

“I am quite offended,” Roman said, mockingly throwing his hand to his heart. “You have not seen me for eight years, and have only delivered sparse letters here or there, and yet you judge me for things out of my control?”

“You make it quite easy, Roman,” Logan smirked. “And do not act as if you were not the same way eight years ago.”

Roman nodded. “You do have a point, my friend,” he said. “Besides, what am I even saying? My beauty might as well never fade.”

Logan laughed, and Roman was pleased to hear no mockery in it and, instead, utter enjoyment. Roman was delighted, truly. Even after not seeing his friend for almost a decade, they still managed to fit together as if neither had ever left.

“But, Roman, where are we going? We have been walking for quite some time, and I remember the libraries being in the other direction,” Logan noted.

“That is because we are not going to the libraries,” Roman said. “You think I am letting you bury your face in a book? Absolutely not. We have eight years of reminiscing to do. I will make sure you do not get your hands on a book until I know everything.”

“Very totalitarian,” Logan said. “And, of course, it is not like we have weeks ahead of us where we will be living in the same vicinity and seeing each other every day. If only that was the case, it would make recounting the last eight years so much easier.”

“Oh, Logan, you are thinking far too much about this, and also far too wrong,” Roman said as they finally approached his first destination: the kitchen. He considered himself lucky that there was no one else loitering about; the cooks usually did not appreciate him getting in their way. “Yes, we do have many weeks ahead of us, but those weeks are for us to make new memories together. If we take this slow and learn something new day by day, you will leave here only remembering how you retold the past.”

“You make a fair point,” Logan said. “But you do realize that eight years is a long time, yes? There is no way we can tell each other everything in one day.”

“Well, we will just have to find a way then, will we not?” Roman asked as he snatched a wine bottle from where it sat on one of the counters. It had just been taken out of the wine cellar, the glass still cool to the touch. “You went to a prestigious academy, I am  _ positive _ you can figure out a way.” He then took two wine glasses by the stems from where they hung on their rack and managed to hold them without them fumbling. “Speaking of your academy, please tell me you have not gone eight years without a drink. With all the stories we are about to tell, and all that is to come in the next weeks, I do not think I can do this sober.”

Logan raised an eyebrow and eyed the wine bottle. “Are you supposed to be taking that?”

“It will not be missed,” Roman said. “So, Logan, will you be joining me in my room for stolen drinks and eight years of storytelling? Or did that academy make you dull, and I will be left with no choice but sparking life back into you?”

Logan smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “For a man who has not seen me in eight years, you are rather informal,” he said. “We might as well be strangers.”

“But we are not,” Roman replied. “If you truly thought so, you would not tease me like this. I can easily throw you out of here and back hundreds of miles away, yet I will not. Because eight years did not change a friendship, not truly.” A pause. “So, must I ask again? Will you be having a drink with me?”

Logan’s smirk then turned into a gentle smile and Roman tried to ignore the way his pulse quickened at seeing the genuine happiness on Logan’s face. “I guess I will be,” Logan said.

In Roman’s room, the pair took their places sitting in two of the chairs on Roman’s balcony. They looked out into the blooming garden, vibrant shades of reds and blues shining brightly below them. A warm breeze brushed past them, and Roman blew a strand of hair out of his eyes as he poured their wine.

“Being served by a Price,” Logan noted with a small smile. “That is not something you see everyday.”

“A privilege only you will get to experience,” Roman said, the words rolling easily off his tongue. He knew that he had to be cautious; it has been years since he had last seen Logan and absolutely did not want to cross any lines. They were reunited for the sake of finding wives together, not for Roman to reminisce on what he felt for Logan when they were younger. Still, however, Roman could flatter, and could flatter very well.

“Consider me honored,” Logan said, accepting a wine glass. He then stared out into the garden and across the kingdom. Even from here, they could see a minuscule version of the common hustle and bustle of their city. Roman watched as Logan studied what was before him, his eyes drifting over the city, the garden, and, finally, Roman.

“Something on your mind, Logan?” Romas asked before taking a sip of his own wine.

“I always wanted to come back here,” Logan said. “It was where I grew up, and where I had my closest friend.” Roman could not help but smile at that and, upon noticing, Logan beamed back at him before continuing, “I just… did not expect to return under these circumstances.”

The smile fell off of Roman’s face as quickly as it formed. When they were speaking with Virgil and Patton in the parlor, they had come to a silent agreement to not talk about the upcoming meetings and marriages. Perhaps Logan knew Roman’s disagreement with the situation, and understood that it would be better if they spoke in private about it, with no brothers, servants, or fathers to overhear. 

As much as Roman wanted these next couple weeks to just be focused on him and Logan, he knew he would have to face the reality eventually. They were here to find wives, and then Logan would leave, and Roman would be alone again.

Roman sighed and tilted his head up to look at the blue sky. There was no cloud in sight but that did not stop storm clouds from brewing in Roman’s heart. “Ah, yes,” he said quietly. “I suspect we will be married men soon.”

“Are you… alright with that?” Logan asked. His tone was cautious, as if he was fearful of upsetting Roman. “I know that you did not enjoy the attention from possible suitors when we were younger.”

A bitter laugh escaped Roman’s lips and he downed more than half his wine before speaking, “Logan, I believe I have only grown more annoyed with all the suitors. Quite honestly, I think this scheme of my father’s is the one I disapprove of the most. He truly does not care whether or not I marry now or in ten years. He just fears that he cannot control me, and tying me down to a loveless marriage might be his only way to ensure that I do not continue to embarrass him.”

“I am sure you do not embarrass him,” Logan said softly. “You are his son, his first-born.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Yes, his first-born son who would rather be-” Roman then cut himself off abruptly. Logan had not been around for eight years and definitely did not know of Roman’s escapades. He did not know of Roman sneaking off with various men over the years, finding abandoned closets and rooms on the far side of the castle where he hoped nobody would find them. He did not know of the one time Roman was discovered, and how it nearly destroyed him in every way possible. Roman hoped, prayed, that Logan would be accepting, but even he could not risk it so soon in their trip. He waved his hand dismissively. “It is no matter. My father and I always had our issues, and always will.” He sighed and finished the rest of his wine before topping it off to the brim. “And your thoughts on our situation?”

Logan sipped his wine with a shrug. “It is what my parents want,” he said as if it was the obvious answer.

“You know you can be your own person, Logan,” Roman said. “With your own thoughts and opinions on how your life should turn out.”

“True, but I have an estate to inherit,” Logan said. “I have many cousins who would do whatever it took to inherit at least a fraction of what I am. I need to listen to my parents if I want to receive what is rightfully mine.”

“And I do not have a throne to inherit? I do not have brothers who could easily replace me?” Roman asked. Annoyance was clear in his tone but Roman hated himself for it nonetheless. He knew what his friend meant; for Logan to inherit his father’s estate meant that he would never have to worry about his financial situation for the rest of his life. It would be the key to a luxurious life. Logan, however, let his parents govern everything he did and Roman could not handle seeing him still choose to not make his own decisions, especially when he himself had been risking everything for years.

Logan flinched at Roman’s comment and frowned. “I apologize, I did not mean for that to-”

Roman shook his head and put a hand up to stop Logan. “No,  _ I  _ am sorry,” he said. “I should not have gotten defensive with you, as I completely understand what you mean. I just… I always wished that you would stand up for what you wanted, and I still do. You are an adult now, with an education and a degree. I think you could lead yourself in a great direction if you looked outside of what your parents expected.”

Logan sighed and looked down into whatever remained in his glass. “Perhaps you are right,” he said. “But I have barely ever stood up for what I wanted, I do not think I even know how to start now.”

Despite Roman having so much more to say on his friend and his confidence, Logan’s tone made it very clear to Roman that the conversation was over. He felt an awkwardness set over him; he had not meant to make his friend uncomfortable, and especially not in the first two hours of his return to the castle.

“Well, now that we have pushed aside the depressing, terribly uncomfortable conversation, let us move on to something better, yes?” Roman asked, topping off both of their glasses. “You were in the Academy until you were eighteen, and then studied at multiple universities, yes? I fully believe that you were not always the prim-and-proper Logan that I have always known, and as the Prince, I demand that you tell me.”

Logan laughed and traced his finger over the rim of his glass. “You might be correct on that,” he said. “What would you like to know?”

Roman looked out over the balcony with a grin as he wondered about what to interrogate his friend about first. He pushed the thought of their upcoming arranged marriages out of his mind; it was the last thing he wanted to think about when Logan was at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for reading!!! if you direct your attention to the top, you will notice that there are now five parts instead of four!!! woo!!!
> 
> also i feel like i spent more time looking up the proper titles for each character (did you know that, apparently, the son of a duke is a marquess??? i sure didn't) than i did writing.
> 
> also, the next update will be more of a side-story than an actual chapter. all the events in it are canon, but it doesn't pertain to the actual plot of the story and is, instead, more of a sibling-bonding part. so, it will be posted as a separate thing, so keep your eyes out for that!!!
> 
> as always, kudos and feedback are appreciated!!! :D
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com  
> (main: actuallygansey.tumblr.com)


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman cared for his brothers. His mother, when he was still young and adapting to not being the main center of attention anymore, preached familial values. With her passing and his relationship with his father growing more and more strained, he emphasized his focus on getting along with his brothers. They fought, yes, as brothers do; sometimes Patton’s heightened sensitivity and Virgil’s knack at being extremely grating was tiring, but overall, Roman could not imagine the castle without them. Living a life where everyone seemed ready to use him for their own personal fortunes, it was pleasant to have two people who understood exactly what Roman experienced.

Roman had been sitting by candlelight, a book gifted to him by Logan open on his lap and one of his fingers absentmindedly playing with the corner of a page, when he heard one of doors further down the wing be pushed open. The hinges slowly creaked, as if the person had wished to make a quiet escape and failed.

The Prince looked up and narrowed his eyes. Glancing at the clock at his wall, he saw it was well past one in the morning. Everyone else had already gone to their beds hours ago, or at least it was what Roman had assumed. Roman was typically the one who stayed awake well into the night and preferred to sleep into late morning, much to the chagrin of his father and his father’s adviser, who believed that the eldest prince should be up the earliest to get a start on the day’s activities.

However, Roman knew it was also not uncommon for his brothers to wake in the middle of the night. Roman had caught Patton multiple times sneaking out of his own room to visit the gardens when they were undisturbed by the bustle of humans. Roman would always let him past, he refused to stop his brother when he wished for one moment of true solidarity, but would inevitably have to tell the guards for the night shift that, no, the person they were seeing wandering the garden was not an intruder but, in fact, a prince.

As Roman heard tired footsteps trek down the corridor, his mind travelled to his other brother. Virgil, Roman believed, slept the least out of all of them, it evident with the dark circles constantly under his eyes. Ever since he was a child, the youngest prince had been plagued with night terrors and terrible anxieties. Without their mother alive and their father emotionally present, Roman, as a child, took it upon himself to comfort his brother. The castle staff, specifically whatever nurse they had at the time, saw it as some form of adorable brotherly bonding, and that once Roman left, an adult would take over and handle the situation properly. However, Roman’s true reasoning was because his mother took it upon herself to be the primary caretaker of her children. She did not believe in being detached from her children and would rather them be following her around all day, clinging to her skirts, than them be forming a better bond with a nurse.

In Roman’s eyes, the least he could do for his mother, and his brother, was be there for them.

When the tired footsteps stopped in front of Roman’s door, he was positive that it was Virgil and not Patton. He kept his eyes on the door, waiting for the knock. Virgil had the tendency to be extremely reclusive, and if Roman opened the door now and ushered him in, there was a huge possibility of Virgil just turning around and retreating to his room.

Finally, after long enough that Roman started to think that maybe it was not Virgil and that whoever it was had left, there was the softest of knocks on his door. He bookmarked his page, not wanting to crease any of the pages of Logan’s books, before standing and opening his door. Virgil stood on the other side of it, looking anywhere but at Roman. His eyes were gaunt and something in Roman twinged at seeing how completely exhausted his brother looked.

“Cannot sleep?” Roman asked. Virgil shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. Roman stepped aside and opened the door wider, and Virgil wordlessly stepped in. He slumped tiredly into one of Roman’s chairs, staring through his bangs and out the window at the moon hanging in the night sky.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Roman leaned on the wall next to Virgil, staring down at him.

“Not really,” Virgil mumbled and Roman nodded, returning to his own chair not too far from Virgil.

Occasionally, when Virgil could not sleep, he came to Roman’s room. Roman’s childhood tradition of being a caretaker for his brother had not faded in adolescence and, on nights when Virgil’s insomnia reached peak frustration, he often went to find his eldest brother. It was not that Patton was no help; hell, sometimes Roman found himself relying on Patton for help. It was just that, when coming to Roman’s room, Virgil would not be bombarded with questions the moment he walked in. As Virgil sat in the same vicinity, Roman would return to whatever he previously had been doing and either wait for Virgil to initiate the conversation himself or wait for him to return to his room again.

Despite the fact that Roman and Virgil argued much more than either of them did with Patton, Roman understood not wanting to explain every thought in his head. He understood just wanting to sit near someone so that the world did not seem so large and him so infinitely small.

Roman cared for his brothers. His mother, when he was still young and adapting to not being the main center of attention anymore, preached familial values. With her passing and his relationship with his father growing more and more strained, he emphasized his focus on getting along with his brothers. They fought, yes, as brothers do; sometimes Patton’s heightened sensitivity and Virgil’s knack at being extremely grating was tiring, but overall, Roman could not imagine the castle without them. Living a life where everyone seemed ready to use him for their own personal fortunes, it was pleasant to have two people who understood exactly what Roman experienced.

“I will be here if you need anything,” Roman said, retrieving his book from where he left it. He flipped back open to where he left off, flicking his eyes back to wear Virgil was and saw him, still, keeping his eyes on the starry sky. A deeper concern twisted in Roman’s gut. He knew of his brother’s trouble with sleeping and of his excessive worries, but something about him seemed off, and more than usual.

Roman attempted to return to reading his book, but Virgil had begun tapping erratically on the arm of the chair and the dull, quick tapping along with his brooding atmosphere pulled too much at Roman’s mind. Typically, the tapping irked him and he usually had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything, because he knew it was just a nervous tick that his brother was barely conscious of, but now it was different. Frankly, he was too concerned to be annoyed.

Roman glanced back up at Virgil and, this time, Virgil looked back. Roman quickly looked away and Virgil sighed.

“I am exhausted,” Virgil finally said.

“Would you like to try sleeping again?” Roman asked. “You are free to stay here, I do not plan on sleeping anytime soon.”

Virgil shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs up and away from his face. “No, it is not that,” he said. He worried his bottom lip and Roman, frowning, put his book back down.

“Then what is it?” Roman asked before quickly following with, “You do not have to tell me if you are not comfortable, Virgil.”

Virgil huffed out a deep sigh again and stared up into the high ceiling. “I am _exhausted_ , Roman,” he said. “All these fears and worries that I have just feel like they are consuming me. Sometimes I think that they are choking me, and that the world might as well be ending.”

Roman’s eyebrows furrowed and he shifted his chair closer. “What are you scared of? I do not think that there is anything in this castle that can harm you.”

“That is exactly it,” Virgil said, scratching at his cuticles. “Everything just seems… off. As if something is not sitting right. I… I understand that there is probably nothing in this castle that can do anything. But I still cannot shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong, that there is something I should be preparing myself for. I thought that it was because Logan and his family were coming back, and it would be the first time in a while that we have had guests stay for more than a few days but…” He trailed off and Roman cocked his head.

“You still feel the same way,” Roman finished for him. Virgil hesitated before nodding. “Virgil, I am sure that there is something we can do for you. Perhaps the apothecary has something, or-”

Virgil shook his head vehemently. “No, no, we cannot do that,” he rushed out.

“Why? If there is someone who can help you, I think that it would be best-”

“No one can know that something is wrong,” Virgil said, his words so quick that Roman’s mind almost did not process them. “Father is already stressed enough as it is, and to go out for an apothecary would draw attention, and I do not want anyone to know that I am the freak of this family-”

“Virgil,” Roman interrupted, his voice stern. Virgil tensed at his sudden tone change and snapped his mouth shut. “Do not ever say that about yourself,” he continued. “What you are experiencing does not make you odd. You are a tad more fearful than most, that is all. It does not make you bad or wrong. Plus, it is not like myself and Patton are without our eccentricities.”

“But…” Virgil sighed. “I already worry too many people because I do not sleep and I panic. I cannot be more of a burden than I already am.”

“Who said you are a burden?” Roman asked with a raised eyebrow. “We all worry about you because we care. If you believe anything I say, believe that. Oh, sure, you can be quite irritating at times with the fact that you always have some snarky thing to say and can never let me have the last word, which should be rightfully mine-” Virgil snorted and Roman could not help but smile, “-But you are still my brother.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Virgil said, giving a small smile. However, when his eyes flicked back to his hands and he still looked rather uncomfortable in his seat, Roman had a feeling that there was still more his brother had to say.

“Is there anything else?” Roman asked, not wanting to push but also not wanting to sound like he was dismissing his brother.

Virgil frowned and did not say anything for a couple of moments. He clenched his hands into fists and unclenched multiple times, retreating back to looking at everything in Roman’s room besides Roman. “It is really stupid,” he finally said.

“I assure you it is not,” Roman said before breaking out into a grin. “Besides, I am enjoying being the brother who is able to give emotional support. Typically, I am just there as the pretty face and the occasional clever and witty comment, but now-”

“I took our mother away from you,” Virgil interrupted and Roman’s words died in his throat.

Roman blinked a few times at his brother. Virgil’s words washed over him in waves that started to bring too many memories back. “What?” he finally choked out.

“I took our mother away from you,” Virgil repeated. “She died having me, and you should hate me for that. I hear the way you speak of her, every amazing and wonderful thing she was. And I took that away from you, and I do not know why you have forgiven me for that.”

Roman stared at his brother, finding himself at a loss for words.

_Roman was six. His mother was pregnant and expecting soon, and he was excited for this one. He was not when Patton was first born. He did not like not being the sole deserver of his mother’s attention. But his mother had told him that now he had another child to play with, and Roman grew to love the bouncing toddler. Now, he was ready to be the eldest. His mother told him that now, with two younger siblings, he would have to be the best role model for them that he could be._

_Roman was six and very excited. He showed his mother all the toys he could share with Patton and the new baby, fumbling blocks that spelled his name (he was missing the letter M) and figures and marbles in his small hands. She smiled down at him and her bright blue eyes shone and Roman felt safe. His mother was warm and soft and was a lot less scarier than his father, sitting one-thousand miles up on his throne. Roman told his mother he did not know how he could get high enough to reach it. She laughed and told him that he would, she would make sure of it._

_Roman was six and it was a bright and warm day when one of the servants screamed down the corridor that they needed the medic. The baby was coming three weeks earlier than everyone else thought. The family medic had had to return to his own home for a family emergency, but he told his father and mother that he would be back in time. Roman did not know why he lied. His father’s adviser and some of the guards had to be sent out into the city to fetch one of the local medics. Patton cried at the commotion and Roman held his hand and gave him one of his miniature horse figurines. It had wheels and the two wheeled it back and forth in Roman’s room as people outside ran back and forth. He told Patton that they should be happy, they were going to have another person to play with, and that mother was excited for them to be the best older brothers ever._

_Roman was six when his father told them that their mother died. Died. A four letter word that Roman did not like. He heard it used about soldiers that did not go back to their families. Or about the city, like when Roman heard the knights talking about a fight breaking out in the streets and how someone died. But never for his mother. She was his mother. His mother was not supposed to die when Roman still had so much to show her. He and Patton finally found the M block underneath one of his chairs._

_Roman was six when their nurse, the one that his mother did not want but their father insisted upon, showed them the baby wrapped in a blanket and said that his name was Virgil. He did not look anything like their mother. No red hair and his eyes had too much brown in them. Patton, who did not understand fully what happened, gave the baby his finger to hold. Roman, who did understand, ran away and cried in his room._

_Roman was six and, despite everything, Roman was alone. The throne towered over him. He did not know how he could reach it now._

After sixteen years, Roman still wondered if he was falling too short.

Roman was too surprised by Virgil’s words to pay mind to the tears that had sprung to his eyes. “V-Virgil,” he managed out. His voice was choked and he rubbed at his eyes. “You… you did not take her from me.”

“Yes, I did,” Virgil insisted. “I know that you needed her then. I think you still do, Roman. Everything you say of her… she was warm, and soft, and bright. I… I know that you do not get along with our father. We all have our disagreements with him, even Patton, but for you… something is different. There is something tenser between you two that I do not think would be there if our mother was still here. I just keep thinking that I took away the parent you needed, and I do not understand why you do not hate me.”

Roman gaped at his brother. He would be the first to admit that, even after sixteen years, he missed his mother more than anything. However, knowing that Virgil had blamed himself this entire time and expected Roman to hate him - _oh God how long has he thought this?_ \- is what Roman found himself more upset by. He learned to cope and accept his mother’s death, he could not do the same for Virgil blaming himself.

“Virgil,” Roman finally said. “I… I could never blame you. You… it was not you that took her away. I do not think anyone did. She… I think she was under a lot more stress than she let on, and maybe she was in more pain, too, but her death was not your fault. You never did anything wrong, and you still have not. And the fact that you think that I could hate you for that?” Roman shook his head in disbelief. “Virgil, that is insane. If I hated you, I would not have just given you this long speech about how we all care about you. If I hate you, I probably would have said something along the lines of _be afraid that I will hit you_ , because I can be an asshole like that.”

Virgil let out a laugh that sounded more like a watery cough, and Roman pretended to not notice how he rubbed at his eyes, glistening with unshed tears.

“I am so sorry, Roman,” Virgil said, shaking his head. He tilted his head away and Roman saw a tear or two escape and tread down Roman’s face, but he called no attention to it.

“You do not have to be,” Roman assured. “We have all moved forward, and, yes, we miss her, but we also learned to cope. No one here hates you because there is no reason to, and if anyone ever says anything, or has said anything, you send them to me, okay?” Virgil nodded and sniffed, rubbing at his eyes again. “And, please, do not let this be something you lose sleep over. Pretty people should be what does that, not things that are not your fault.”

Virgil sighed and swallowed thickly. “Okay,” he said quietly. The conversation then trailed off and Roman started to think that Virgil was getting ready to leave when his brother said, “Speaking of people that you find, to quote, _pretty_ , you and Lo-”

Roman was quick to cut his brother off, “You are pushing your limits, and I suggest that you either stop talking or prepare for me to kick you out in the next two seconds.”

Virgil laughed but did not say anything more.

\--

Patton and their father had gotten into an argument that morning. Roman had believed he was up far too early (their guests were still resting in the comfort of their beds, why did he have to be up?), and was bitterly nursing a cup of coffee in the parlor adjacent to the throne room, when the fight started. Even through the walls, he heard words like “over excited” and “melancholic” and “mature” and “Patton, I expect more of you than these ever changing emotions”, and Roman believed that he could accurately piece together what his father was nagging Patton about. He could not hear what Patton was saying, but from his father’s disappointed reactions, he assumed that whatever Patton was feeling was getting the best of him.

Finally, after a couple minutes of Roman eavesdropping, being disappointed that he could not hear everything properly, and then feeling guilty about eavesdropping in the first place, the throne room door swung open and out walked Patton. Roman watched as Patton began to walk past, and did not miss how he frantically wiped at his eyes, though when Patton finally caught his brother staring, he straightened as if nothing was happening and forced a grin that did not meet his eyes.

“Oh, Roman,” Patton said, his voice artificially cheerful. “Good morning, I did not expect to see you up so soon.”

“I am improving my skills of being a responsible adult,” Roman said, setting his now empty cup on one of the table’s coasters. “Are you alright, Patton? I believe it is a bit early for our father to be berating us.”

“Oh, that?” Patton questioned and forced a laugh. “Do not worry, that was nothing. Just… just an average conversation.”

Roman did not believe him at all. “It sounded a bit more than average,” he pressed.

“Well, it was not,” Patton said, his tone suddenly tired and clipped. “I have to go to my room.”

Roman blinked at his brother as he walked away. “Okay, then,” he huffed out.

For a while, Roman let Patton be on his own. As much as he felt ashamed to admit it, he did not know what to do with Patton and his obvious hidings of something troubling him. Usually, it was Virgil who went to Roman or Patton, depending on the situation, Patton who helped, and Roman who went to Patton with petty, dramatic problems. Occasionally, when intoxicated and rather melancholic, Roman rambled about everything that troubled him to his brother and then, in the morning, he acted as if nothing was ever wrong in the first place.

Roman realized with a sinking feeling that Patton rarely came to either Roman or Virgil. Over the years, Roman had seen Patton in foul moods and, even when he offered his ear to Patton, his younger brother never complied.

He began to run through everything in his mind. He tried to see if he could find something that would give Patton reason to not trust either of his brothers. If there was something that he or Virgil had said, or a fight that was left unresolved, but all that Roman could remember was forced smiles and Patton claiming that nothing was wrong, that nothing was ever wrong.

At half past noon, Roman decided it was time that he did something. The castle was now alive, everyone jostling through with activities for the day, meals to prepare, training to be done, but Patton had yet to leave his room. Roman decided that now was the time to go confront his brother; now was when they would not be disturbed by anyone else. Their father had meetings all throughout the day, and Virgil and Logan just headed to the library to look over books and journals together.

Roman approached Patton’s door and, with only slight hesitation, softly knocked. “Patton?” he called through. “It is Roman.”

On the other side of the door, there was a long enough silence that Roman considered that Patton was possibly sleeping, or perhaps he had left his room and Roman had not noticed. When Roman thought about either knocking again or walking away, a small voice finally said, “Come in.”

Roman pushed his brother’s door open and found Patton seated in one of his chairs, looking out the window. It seemed that his eyes were not actually seeing anything, and he did not turn to look at Roman when he entered.

“I just wanted to check in on you after this morning,” Roman said, shuffling his feet awkwardly. “You seemed… troubled.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton said. His tone was quite unsettling to Roman; usually, Patton was bright and cheerful, his words bringing light back into the castle when there was none. Though, Patton now, just sounded so… tired, so dejected. “But I am fine.”

Roman did not believe him, but he did not know if pressing would do either of them any good. “Would you like to go outside, then?” he asked. “It is probably one of the most beautiful days of the season, and you are keeping yourself in here.” When Patton looked doubtful and ready to reject Roman’s idea, he quickly continued, “We could go to the garden. I know how much you like to go there. No one else would be there.”

Patton considered for a minute, and when Roman feared that he would just be dismissed, Patton sighed and stood. “I think that will be nice,” he said and Roman grinned.

“Perfect,” Roman beamed. “Well, onwards then! We have not a moment to waste of this beautiful day.”

Roman lead Patton out of his bedroom, falling into step besides his brother as they walked. Something about Patton still seemed so off, so reserved, but Roman believed it to be a victory to have been able to convince his brother to join him. He did not want to ruin it by forcing Patton to speak when he was not ready.

Fortunately, when they arrived at the garden, Roman was correct in saying that no one else would be there. He let Patton decide where they would sit, and Patton chose a bench situated in the shade under one of the trees. The flowers bloomed brightly in front of them and small groups of butterflies flitted from each on.

“It really is wonderful out,” Patton quietly commented as they sat down.

“It is,” Roman agreed. “I could not simply let you sit inside all day.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton said. “I just get so… off sometimes, and I just isolate myself. I know it is not particularly the best thing to do, but sometimes it seems like the only thing to do.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Patton sighed and carded a hand through his hair. “I get so melancholy sometimes, Roman,” he started, staring ahead of them at the flowers. “I just sometimes start feeling as if the light in the world has gone out and that there is nothing left than to just let things pass. Honestly, it is quite draining. I fall into these moods where I feel like I am trapped in this… hopeless trance. I force myself to put on a smile and laugh because it is what people expect of me, but I feel like I am just lying to everyone. That this is all some huge play and I have to constantly wear a mask to please everyone.”

Roman frowned and turned fully to face his brother. “Patton, I… I did not know that you felt like this.”

Patton forced out a laugh that sounded more pained than not. “Because I did not want you to,” he said. Roman pretended as if that did not sting. “I did not want anyone to know. Not you, not Virgil nor our father, anyone. We live such luxurious lives where we can have what we choose. There are so many people who are truly hurting and suffering, and here I am, Prince Patton Sanders, moping about because I am sad more often than not.”

“Patton, you do not have to think that,” Roman said. “It does not matter how you live. That does not change how you feel. There will always be people suffering more, and people suffering less. If you based your feelings solely off of other people, you would only drive yourself to exhaustion and madness. I am not a profession, but I do not think it is healthy to hold in what you feel. Virgil and I are here for you when you are overcome with these melancholic thoughts. You are allowed to feel them, and what you feel, while painful, yes, is real and should not be ignored.”

Patton shook his head. “But it is not who I am supposed to be Roman,” he said, his lower lip wobbling. “I am just going to end up disappointing everyone.”

“Disappointing us?” Roman questioned. “Patton, you could never-”

“Yes, I could, Roman!” Patton exclaimed, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes. “I am supposed to be put together and cheerful. It is what people expect of me. Everyone expects me to be the perfect son who keeps our father happy and is the mediator for you and Virgil. I am not supposed to be so sad and… empty. When I am, I force myself to be this over excited person so that people do not see me be unfit in the one thing I am meant to do.” He let out a wet laugh and shook his head. “I am already disappointing our father and, soon, everyone else.”

“Patton,” Roman sighed and, slowly, carefully, placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Do not say that. Just because you and father had an… an argument, it does not mean that you disappointed him.”

“Oh, really?” Patton asked. “So him telling me that I need to mature is not disappointing him? Him telling me that I need to sedate these ever changing emotions, that I need to get a firm grip on myself? Him telling me that it is time for me to be responsible and reliable, and not so childish? That is all not disappointing him? That is not being the son that everyone expects me to be? You said it yourself, Roman, I am supposed to be the son that makes our father proud, the son that does everything he is told and the one that our father listens to.”

 _“He was clearly talking to Roman and I, Patton. You cannot do anything wrong in his eyes.”_ _  
_

_“_ _That is not true.”_ _  
_

_“Of course it is! You could spit in the Duke’s face and our father would ban him from the kingdom for offending you.”_ _  
_

_“Roman-”_ _  
_

_“Ask for anything and it is yours, that is the way it has always been. Do you think that, if Patton asked our father to call off whatever marriage he had planned for me, he would do it?”_ _  
_

_“Roman, stop.”_

Roman suddenly felt like a complete and utter asshole. “Patton, I-I am so sorry,” Roman stammered out, struggling to find words. He and his brothers had fought before, yes, but Roman never wanted to be the person that hurt one of them.

Patton shook his head. “No, I am sorry,” he sighed. “You did not know, it is unfair of me to put this on you.”

“No, Patton, that is _completely_ fair,” Roman pushed. “I… I hurt you. I made you feel like you had to live up to these expectations. Even if it was not entirely me making you feel like this, I played a part, and you can be mad. You _should_ be mad. Lord knows anyone else would be.”

Patton sighed a deep, shuddering breath and rubbed at his eyes again. “You did not purposely intend to do that, Roman,” he said. “I cannot be mad at you if you did not intend it. Well, I can, but it feels wrong. I just… I do not want to worry people. I want to be what people want me to be and help everyone else. I feel like, if I start showing people what I truly am, I am just going to burden people.”

Roman shook his head. “Patton, what people expect you to be is human,” he said. “I think people would be more worried if you were happy all the time. You are a living, human being. You are allowed to feel sad and aggravated and everything else that may not be as delightful as being happy. Whatever you feel is real. You are allowed to feel how you do, and you are allowed to be your own person. If you spend your entire life just trying to live up to unfair expectations, you are just going to end up unhappy. And as your brother, I do not think I could handle seeing you live an unhappy life.”

Patton smiled and rubbed away one last tear that fell out of his eyes. “Thank you, Roman.”

Roman smiled back. “You do not have to thank me,” he said. “And you know that myself and Virgil are here for you too, yes? I know that we tend to come to you a lot with our many, many problems, but that does not mean that you cannot do the same to us. The three of us have to have each other’s backs, which means that we cannot let you be suffering alone.”

Surprisingly, Roman had not expected Patton to throw himself at Roman in a hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled into Roman’s shoulder and Roman smiled, giving Patton a tight squeeze back.

“Of course,” Roman said as the two pulled away. “Trust me, in a castle where we are surrounded by adults, I think we need to be there for each other.”

Patton smiled. “But Roman, you are also an adult.”

Roman sighed and threw his head back. “Patton, do not ruin this moment by reminding me of my responsibilities and of my mortality,” he groaned and Patton laughed. He then looked back at his brother. “And you know you can tell me if I am saying too much bullshit, right? I am not sure if you have noticed, but I have the habit of just speaking without applying thought to what I am saying. There needs to be someone to reign me in, and it cannot be Virgil, because I might hit him.”

Patton laughed again. “I will make sure to let you know,” he said, looking back towards the garden.

“Now, should we leave all this sentimentality behind and return to enjoying the day?” Roman asked. “I am hoping that this is making you feel… somewhat better.”

Patton nodded. “We should, and it is,” he said. “Thank you, Roman.”

Roman beamed. “You do not have to keep thanking me, it is just what I do,” he said.

Roman knew that he could not always be the best brother, and perhaps sometimes not even a good brother. But, damn it all, he was going to try and support his brothers as much as they support him; it was the least he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was originally going to be a side part but, since it is in the canon timeline and goes into things i mentioned in the previous chapter, i decided to make it an actual chapter!!! this is just some sibling bonding bc it is a dynamic i wanted to go into and also important!!! 
> 
> thank you for reading!!!
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most importantly, however, was that Logan listened to what Roman had to say, and Roman believed that Logan saw who he truly was. For once, Roman did not feel like he was screaming to be heard. He did not feel like he was struggling to keep Logan’s attention, and that he had to hide himself for Logan to like him. He could just be with Logan. Roman did not even realize the weight on his shoulders until he was with Logan and felt free, felt alive.  
> Loving Logan was a wonderful thing; Loving Logan was a terrible thing.  
> Loving Logan was not real.
> 
> Roman sighed and looked down. “I feel like I am destined to ruin myself every opportunity I get.”
> 
> “I feel like you are trying to let yourself live the life you want in a household that says otherwise,” Logan said. “It is incredibly brave of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: mentions of homophobia, self deprecation, angst, pining, alcohol/drunk-ness, extreme father/son fighting

Roman liked to believe that his life had a plan to screw him over every chance it got.

 _Reason number one:_ Roman never got along well enough with his father. Even as a toddler, he wildly preferred his mother, and then as he grew older, his father preferred his other sons.

 _Reason number two:_ At age six, Roman lost his mother

( _Reason number two, subsection B:_ Roman was left with his father, who became even more emotionally distant, and he and his two younger brothers were left to be raised by nurses.)

 _Reason number three:_ At age fourteen, Roman’s best friend of practically his entire life told Roman that his parents were enrolling him in a academy out of the country.

 _Reason number four:_ At age twenty, a servant told his father that Roman had been messing around with one of the son’s from the visiting noble family. His father told him that if he ever embarrassed him like that again, Roman would be lucky to still be allowed to live in the slums of the city.

 _Reason number five:_ Said best friend from reason number three has returned, and Roman, currently age twenty-two, was madly in love with him. And Roman was, frankly, fucked.

If Roman when he was fourteen thought that Logan could be everything he ever wanted, current Roman had a wonderful thing to tell past him.

Logan was smart, incredibly smart. The things he talked about with Roman, what he learned while away at the academy and university, blew Roman off of his feet. He always knew that Logan was smart, that Logan had a certain knack for understanding and knowledge, but to see it was entirely different.

Logan got along well with Patton and Virgil, which Roman had not realized would be a big deal until he saw it himself. Logan accompanied Patton on his usual garden walks and seemed to balance out his high energies in a way that let Patton breathe calmly for once. Logan would spend hours in the library with Virgil, both discussing what they had read and recommending what each had not. Logan provided the quietness that Virgil needed, and the balance that Patton needed.

Most importantly, however, was that Logan listened to what Roman had to say, and Roman believed that Logan saw who he truly was. For once, Roman did not feel like he was screaming to be heard. He did not feel like he was struggling to keep Logan’s attention, and that he had to hide himself for Logan to like him. He could just be with Logan. Roman did not even realize the weight on his shoulders until he was with Logan and felt free, felt alive.

Loving Logan was a wonderful thing; Loving Logan was a terrible thing.

Loving Logan was not real. It was not something that could ever happen. Roman doubted that Logan even considered reciprocating his feelings. Logan, even though he was not fond of their upcoming arranged marriages, probably wanted a pretty wife to have pretty kids with. He probably just saw Roman as his close childhood companion who he had been reunited with. Logan was probably not attracted to men.

Then there was, of course, the very slim chance that Logan did reciprocate, and somehow that broke Roman’s heart more. If Logan reciprocated, and loved Roman like Roman loved him, it just meant that they were both doomed to a life of unhappiness, forced to be with people who were not each other. Roman’s father made it very clear; he knew who Roman preferred to be with, and he either had to choose that, or choose the throne.

Roman loved Logan. He fell in love with him eight years ago, and loved him all over again now.

But it was something that he could not have. If he was not striving towards something, not preparing to be King, he would feel as if everything he had done previously had been a waste.

“Are you alright, Roman?”

Roman jumped, perhaps a bit too much, when he was brought back to reality. He spun around to see Logan - _of course_ , Logan- standing right behind him. Roman had gone off to one of their more private libraries for that exactly, privacy. He needed time to himself to work through his thoughts as he walked aimlessly up and down empty aisles, yet it seemed that all it worked to do was bring the subject of Roman’s thoughts to him.

“Oh, Logan, I apologize,” Roman said, proud of himself for his voice not wavering. “I did not see you enter.”

Logan then smiled and gave a small laugh. “I would have been surprised if you did,” he said. “You seemed quite deep in thought when I walked in.”

“Well, you know how I am,” Roman said. “Just catching up on some of my favorite reading.”

Logan raised an eyebrow as his eyes flicked to the books behind Roman. “I thought you hated history.”

Roman looked back over his shoulder and saw that, yes, he had managed to mindlessly walk himself into the one section of books that he could barely stand. “People change?” Roman offered weakly and Logan laughed at the obvious lie.

“So, since you have become so interested in history, I assume you have something new to share?” Logan asked with a smirk, teasing obvious in his voice.

Roman ignored the flutter in his heart at the smirk and rolled his eyes. “Of course I do,” he said, glad that his years of learning his own history was finally usable. “Did you know that when my great-great-grandfather, King Thomas, just began his reign, he conducted peace talks with the ruler of our neighboring country, Queen Valerie, who we were at a long war with, and in just half a year, the nations were at peace? To this day, we are still allied countries.”

Logan nodded. “I did know that,” he said. “But you think well on your feet for someone who was obviously not studying history.”

Roman laughed and shrugged. “You caught me,” he said. “I was very much not reading history books. I just needed to… clear my thoughts.”

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “About what? Is everything alright?”

Roman decided that he could not tell Logan that he was, in fact, thinking about him. Instead, he went with, “Oh, you know, just everything that has been happening, and everything that will happen. Quite a lot is going on.”

Logan sighed and nodded. “That is true,” he murmured. “I have found myself, too, lost in thought.” He then smiled at Roman. “But perhaps that is why I came to find you? I cannot let you be alone with your thoughts, especially if they are troubling.”

Roman hated that he felt his face flush. Logan had come looking for him. Logan had not just been passing by when he saw Roman; no, he had been _searching_ for Roman.“That is very kind of you, Logan,” Roman said with a smile. “Well then, since you found me, shall we be off? I suspect that you have something much more entertaining planned than spending our day in the history section of my library.”

“I believe we will find something better to do,” Logan said. “Now, come on. I do not think you should have to suffer in this particular section any longer.”

Roman willingly followed Logan out of the library, glad to be away from the dim room and its dusty books. He tried to ignore the pounding of his heart as Logan rambled on about something that Roman could not catch; the sunlight shining in through the corridor windows washed across Logan’s face, and Roman could not help but be distracted by the way Logan’s hazel eyes sparkled.

Life was truly out to torture Roman.

\--

They were hosting a dinner party at the castle tonight. Roman’s father and Duke Clark believed it was time for their sons to start meeting possible future fiancees, and now Roman could no longer properly enjoy his time with his best friend, who was also the center of his affections. From here on out, it was going to be dinner parties and balls and Roman being forced to talk to women who, while probably extremely sweet, were not who he was interested in.

The Kirkland and Herington families were their esteemed guests for the night. They were two noble families from the City with riches that dated generations back. While Roman hated to admit it, if they were to be forced to marry, the daughters from those two families made the most sense on fortune alone.

The families both had only one daughter among many sons. Roman used to play with some of them when he was younger, but the only two that mattered were the daughters. Lady Adelaide Kirkland and Lady Victoria Herington; one could not be mentioned without the other trailing shortly after. They were two years his junior, and from when they were children, Roman could not recall a time where he saw one without the other.

When his father told Roman who they would be having as guests for the night, Roman already knew which of the ladies he would be set up with: Adelaide Kirkland, the eldest child of Lord and Lady Kirkland. While both families were both very well off, the Kirklands had the upper hand, and bringing Adelaide into the Sanders line was sure to bode well. The family had riches to offer, though they were not necessarily needed, and younger sons to enlist in their Royal Army. It had been a long time since Roman had seen Adelaide, but he was informed that she has grown into a beautiful, respectful woman who would make a great wife.

It was not that Roman doubted that, but it was hard to be enthusiastic about being forced to talk to a woman he had not seen in years while Logan sat right next to him, doing the same.

He was even sure that she would be a great lifelong companion for someone else. Not Roman, though, because Roman was not attracted to her and would never be.

Roman sighed at his reflection in the mirror. Under strict instruction from his father, his hair had been silcked up and out of his face because, apparently, a hair falling out of place on a hot, humid night was unbecoming. He observed the red jacket he wore and frowned at the multiple medals and tassels and whatever else shone on the jacket; even with the ladies arriving with their jewels and accessories, Roman would not be surprised if he was the most decorated of the party.

Roman would not lie, he typically liked being dressed up. While some might call him narcissistic, he was just proud of how he looked and liked to present himself the best way possible. Tonight, though, everything Roman was wearing just felt _wrong_. He was dressed up and decorated for a night he knew he was not going to enjoy. He was going to have to endure listening to the man who he was greatly attracted to talk sweetly to Lady Victoria Herington, who was said to be best, most sweetest girl in the-

A sudden knocking and quiet talking on the other side of Roman’s door caused his head to whip around. He narrowed his eyes when he realized that it was his brothers talking behind his door, and he grew more annoyed than he already was at his moping, internal monologue being interrupted.

He could not catch what his brothers were saying as he approached the door, though it sounded like they were bickering, and when Roman swung open his door, both of their heads snapped towards him.

“You two really need to work on your subtlety,” Roman said. “You cannot let anyone else know that you are fighting, it makes everything much more intense.”

“We were debating whether or not you decided to climb off your balcony in an attempt at escape,” Virgil said. “I suggested that you were already halfway across the City right now.”

“And I, because I have trust in you, said that you were getting ready because, even though this situation is rather… _unpleasant_ ,” Patton said with a sigh. “You know that it is only one night and that nothing is set in stone after it.”

Roman worried his bottom lip. “Shit,” he finally said with a shake of his head. “I did not even think about escaping. That would have been good.”

Virgil laughed as Patton adamantly shook his head. “No, that would not have been,” Patton said quickly. “While, yes, I do believe in doing what makes you happy, and I guess escaping would do that, but then things will only be harder when you return!”

“ _If_ he did,” Virgil muttered.

“Oh, I would,” Roman said with a nod. “I am quite a fan of dramatic entrances. I can see it now. Me throwing open the front doors, waving a half empty bottle of liquor like a flag. Shouting into the corridors that I cannot be contained in these castle walls, forced to follow rules that I will surely change when I am king.” A pause. “And then our father kicking me outside onto my ass with nothing but the underclothes on my back. So it is probably a good thing that I did not telepathically receive Virgil’s plan.”

“That was very thought out,” Virgil commented.

Roman shrugged. “What can I say? My imagination runs wild with the ways I can imagine myself further disappointing our father before I am crowned king.” He then leaned on the door frame, raising an eyebrow. “But I assume that you two did not come here to ask whether or not I have made my great escape.”

Patton sighed and frowned. “The Kirklands and Heringtons will be arriving soon,” he said. “Everyone thought it best that we summoned you to the parlor. That we would be the ones most likely to bring you without any... ” His brother trailed off and flicked his eyes away.

Roman rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Everyone else is expecting a fight from me. Perfect.”

“If the three of us hated each other, they would never had made us be the ones to fetch you,” Virgil said. “It seems that our Adviser thinks you might swing at him if he came here, but if everyone thought you would do the same to us, maybe they would have decided that it would be best to leave you alone.”

“It is never too late to start hating each other,” Roman said as he stepped forward. He closed his bedroom door behind him and sighed again. “Alas, I have a feeling this night is going to be tiresome enough _without_ a new, unwanted sibling rivalry. So, might as well get it over it.”

The three brothers began their walk to the main parlor, albeit slowly since Roman desired to prolong the inevitable as much as possible. Servants could be heard in other parts of the castle bustling around, fixing any finishing touches before their esteemed guests arrive. Everyone knew how important this night was to be; his father had said it enough times.

When the three were about to reach the final corridor, Patton suddenly stopped walking and both Virgil and Roman, after trailing a couple steps in front, stopped and turned around. Roman furrowed his eyebrows at the troubled look on Patton’s face. “Is everything alright, Patton?”

“Do you want to be king?” Patton asked. Roman blinked at the question, finding himself lost for words. The suddenness of the question caught him off guard, and he was unable to find his answer before Paton continued, “Because, with everything that is going on and the state of your relationship with our father, you seem very apprehensive and I would hate to see you live out this unhappy life because of something that your supposed to do and-”

Roman held up a hand and Patton immediately snapped his mouth shut. “Yes, Patton, I do want to be king,” he answered. “It is something that I have always dreamed about. I appreciate your concerns, and while some of the… requirements are daunting, I believe -I hope- that the outcome will outweigh anything else.”

“You do not have to marry Lady Adelaide because our father likes the family,” Virgil said quietly.

“You should not have to marry anyone at all if you do not want to,” Patton said, frowning. “That should not be the subject of our father’s concerns. You should not be forced to do something that you are unhappy with, and it should not affect your state as the heir.”

Roman did not ever actually plan to tell his brothers about his attraction to men. He had already torched whatever relationship he eventually could have hoped to have with his father, and he did not want to ruin the friendship that he and his brothers had. It occurred, however, in the aftermath of what happened two years ago, and that was when Roman realized that he had two more people in his corner than he thought he had.

Roman smiled and, upon seeing that, his brothers’ concerned expressions washed away. “Thank you, both of you,” he said. “I believe that, too, and while I hope nothing actually comes out of this night, I have to go through with it. I might not be particularly happy doing it but, sometimes, you have to do what is required of me, even if it is not pleasant.”

However, upon the three finally entering the parlor, Roman believed that doing what was required of him was going to be much easier said than done. Firstly, because Roman was still quite aggravated with the night ahead of him and his brothers’ support only sedated him for a short period of time. Secondly, because Logan looked completely dashing. He was sitting on the edge of one of their loveseats, his posture poised and relaxed. He adorned a black waistcoat -velvet, Roman noted- with a dark blue cravat knotted neatly around his neck. His hair was pushed back out of his eyes and, even though he had seen them many times before, Roman could not help but be taken back by how Logan’s eyes shone behind his glasses.

 _Fuck,_ Roman thought as he took a seat next to Logan, who smiled at him. This night was suddenly going to be much more difficult, and he found himself already bitter at knowing that he will have to endure Logan talking with someone else that was not him.

“You clean up well, Marquess Logan,” Roman said as he sat down next to Logan, slipping back into the formalities they would have to use for the night.

“As do you, Prince Roman,” Logan replied and Roman averted his eyes as he felt his cheeks flush.

“Now that you are both here,” a voice said from across the room and Roman jumped, snapping his head forward. Their father’s advisor stood at the front of the room. Roman had not even noticed that he was standing there. Their Advisor raised an eyebrow at Roman and Roman flashed back what he hoped was a charming grin.

“Cyril, it is a pleasure to see you, too,” Roman beamed at their Advisor.

“Now that you are both here,” he repeated, blatantly ignoring Roman’s comment. Virgil and Patton took their seats on another one of the couches with their eyes on him, and if Roman was not being watched, he would have made it a point to show them how tired he already was of this ordeal by rolling his eyes. “It is time that we, once again, go over what is expected of you two tonight.” Roman wanted to groan dramatically but, fortunately, kept that outburst repressed. “While it is poignant that everyone is on their best behavior, it is _pivotal_ that you two-”

Roman quickly began to tune out the etiquette lecture that he had been receiving since he was five. He, instead, let his thoughts drift to the man sitting next to him. Yes, it was going to be awful having to not pay all of his attention to Logan. It was going to be a pain to have to sit and smile in front of a large group of judging adults, forcing conversation and a smile. It going to be _abhorrent_ sitting next to Logan as he put all of his attention into another girl. However, it was only for a night, and most likely nothing would come of it, and it would be fine.

\--

Roman decided halfway through the dinner that the night felt like it was taking a thousand years and that, no, it was not fine.

The first red flag that made Roman think that the night would quickly go to Hell is that both of the women were gorgeous. Roman might not be attracted to women, but he still had eyes to see what was in front of him, and he still had ears to hear someone comment that “Lady Adelaide would be such a pretty edition to your family, Your Majesty”.

The second was that, early on in the dinner, it was discovered that Logan and Lady Victoria’s eldest brother attended the same academy and university, and they got along very well. “Your brother Robert is a good man,” Logan had said, which made the jealousy Roman was feeling already flare up for a completely different reason.

The third was that Logan and Lady Victoria enjoyed the same books because _of course_ they did. Logan, despite his previous discontent with their whole situation, seemed very invested in his conversation with Lady Victoria. Which is good. He was supposed to be invested because it was polite and what he was supposed to be doing, but Roman was also having a terrible time witnessing it.

The fourth was that Roman was on his third glass of wine to dull the pain of the first three red flags, and the dinner was not even close to being over.

Roman was on the path to being very bitter, _very_ intoxicated, and probably crying later in his bedroom. But it was fine. It was only a single night. It was _fine_.

“Prince Roman?” A voice said next to him and he suddenly remembered that he, too, was supposed to be talking with the Lady to his left and not thinking about the man to his right.

“Pardon?” Roman said, turning back to Lady Adelaide.

If Roman was being honest, he pitied himself, yes, but he also pitied Adelaide. Like him, she was the eldest in her family with younger brothers to look after. She, too, was expected to marry soon, except not because she had a title to take over, but because she had none. Her father had made it so that his second eldest child, and his eldest son, was to inherit their family’s estate. Adelaide was in a similar situation to his own; dining with noble families, along with the royal one, in hopes of finding a new title to take.

Roman did not want to marry her, and he did not wish to be stuck in a marriage that was made purely out of titles and fortunes, not love. He was not heartless; she truly was very kind and he knew that she deserved better than a marriage to him.

Adelaide laughed, finding Roman’s absent minded state more endearing than not. “I said that it has been quite some time since I have last been here,” she said. “I think you were just fifteen.”

Roman thought back for a moment and suddenly remembered the event she was talking about. The castle had thrown a ball for a reason Roman could not remember. It had been almost a year since Logan had left to go to the academy, but Roman was still mourning the departure of his friend. Logan had been the one to stick by Roman at the tiresome parties, and Roman was left to fend on his own. He remembered that he and Adelaide barely talked, and that he had been distracted by others the whole night.

Before Roman even got the chance to respond, Lord Kirkland, who Roman did not even know was listening, decided to speak up, “Oh, Adelaide, that is right!” He then turned to Roman’s father and Roman had to hold back the eye roll. “Quite funny, is it not, that these two have been brought back together, Your Majesty?”

 _Not funny at all,_ Roman thought as he drank the remainder of his wine. _Considering you were one of the people who planned this._ A servant came around and refilled Roman’s glass.

“I believe it is,” the King said with a smile. “We should count ourselves lucky that you heeded to our invitation. It is an honor to reunite our families.”

 _Reunite,_ Roman thought with an internal eye roll. _If I remember correctly, we have never been extremely close with the Kirklands._ He flicked his eyes to Logan in hopes of sharing an exasperated look, but Logan was currently speaking with Lord and Lady Herington.

He repressed a sigh with a sip from his glass.

“Oh, believe us, we are the lucky ones,” Lord Kirkland said, gesturing to himself and his wife next to him. “We were just wondering what had become of your eldest when we received the invitation to join you and your son for dinner.” Roman noted that the Lord bluntly ignored the King’s other two sons. Lord Kirkland then turned to Roman and grinned. “We must thank you, too, Prince Roman, for meeting with us and our daughter. I was starting to worry that, with all the possible suitors you must get, that Adelaide here would have no chance of meeting with you.”

“Actually,” Roman said, setting his wine glass down. He felt warm and sluggish from the alcohol but he was able to keep his words straight. “I really have not been looking for any suitors. I find myself rather… occupied with other hobbies.”

The look his father sent him could have incinerated him on the spot, but Roman kept his eyes on the Lord sitting across from him, who grinned. “It is always so charming to see an independent man invested in his responsibilities,” Lord Kirkland said. “I am sure that with all the training I assume that you are doing and all your meetings, you might see that it is time to consider settling down, no? Besides, it is good to have a strong familial backing when being crowned our next Regent, as I expect you hope to be someday.”

“Perhaps, but I do not believe that that has to be the case,” Roman said. He was now aware that all eyes were on him, and that he should be wary of what he was to say next. However, It was the first time that he could speak the truth without being afraid, most likely due to the alcohol, so Roman ignored the panicked looks he was getting from his brothers at the end of the table and continued, “I do not see why I have to look to be married so soon. I am only twenty-two, I still have a long life ahead of me. I see no point in confining myself to an arranged marriage now when there is still so much of life to live and people to meet who I am not forced to be with, and who are not forced to be with me.

“I do not think that marriage has to be this huge ordeal where two people are forced to be together because of titles and fortunes to offer. Really, I think it is rather detrimental. Why should I -or anyone- have to be with someone who I barely know, especially when I am only just a few years into adulthood, and still have many years in front of me? It makes quite little sense, especially when I do not even _want_ it-”

“That is enough, Roman,” his father’s stern voice snapped Roman out of his rant and his eyes flicked to his father across the table. Roman realized that his father was livid. “I believe that is an outburst you only say if you have really thought about it and are prepared to face the consequences for what you say.”

“Oh, I have thought about this,” Roman said. He saw no point in turning back now. “And I am prepared to face whatever you have. It cannot be much worse than previous times.” He paused as his words washed over everyone else. With a nod, he then stood, rather unstable. He was lucky to have the arms of the chair to push himself up on. “I believe that now should be the time when I excuse myself.”

With that, Roman ignored all the eyes on him, jaws dropped to the floor, and managed to walk out without too much stumbling.

In his bedroom, watching the clock, Roman noticed that it took less than five minutes for his father to come after him. He had not knocked and, instead, shoved open Roman’s doors so hard, Roman thought they might break off the hinges.

Roman, who was slouched in one of his chairs, raised an eyebrow at his father.

“Get up,” his father growled. Roman hesitated. “ _Now_ , Roman.”

Roman pushed himself up, using the chair for balance. When he was finally upright, albeit swaying, his father shook his head in disgust at what he saw.

“I thought the instructions I gave you were very clear, Roman,” his father said. His voice was low and quiet despite his anger and it sent chills down Roman’s spine. “You were to treat this seriously. You were, for once, to think about someone other than yourself and understand that this is what you must do if you wish to take my place.”

Roman barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Think of anyone but myself?” he questioned. “How about you look at yourself first, father? _You_ are doing this for _yourself_ . This- this arranged marriage _bullshit_ is so that you can feel better about your son! This is all so that you can show people that you did not, in fact, fail as a father because, look, Prince Roman took a pretty wife so let us just ignore his unhappiness! Let us just ignore how for twenty-two fucking years he was berated and ignored and criticized by his father!”

“I was preparing you for your responsibilities, Roman,” his father snapped. “I was showing you that what you want does not matter when you have responsibilities to adhere to. Complain all you wish to about the unfair life that I have, apparently, been giving you, but do not act like you do not deserve any of this. For years you have gone out of your way to defy me, you have humiliated me in front of esteemed guests, and you have made me realize that someone in this room failed as a person, but it is not me.”

Roman shook his head, his lip curling. “Yes, such a shame to have a son who you cannot contain! What a tragedy, having a son who cannot find pleasure in the women thrown at him! How terrible it is to have a son who wishes to do as he pleases and not listen to the beck and call of his emotionally distant father! It is a wonder why he never listens to you! You have obviously shown yourself to be the epitome of a perfect parent, especially after your wife died!”

The room fell deathly silent and Roman swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. His father shook his head and sighed deeply.

“If only your mother could see who you have become,” his father said. “I doubt she would be able to recognize you.”

Roman broke at that, a sob breaking out of his lips as tears began to run down his cheeks. He clasped his hand over his mouth to dull the sound, and his father did not look back as he turned around and walked out.

The door echoed as it slammed behind him.

\--

Roman wondered if a person could ever cry themselves dry.

The hours passed later into the night and it seemed that Roman was constantly switching from numbness to weeping. His drunken state had transitioned from a warm, blurred feeling to a pounding headache and the awareness that everything was currently too much.

Roman was lying on his bed, his eyes trained on the ceiling, in a current state of numbness. If he was correct, their guests just left, and now the barrier between the household and the Roman was gone.

As if on cue, like there was a sign directing everyone to Roman’s room, there was a soft knock on his door.

“Go away,” Roman said. He winced at how hoarse and broken his voice sounded.

“Roman, it is Logan,” Logan said on the other side of the door. Once again, tears sprung to his eyes and he pressed the palms of his hands to them in hopes to hold back the tears.

Roman shied away as his door was pushed open, rolling onto his side and curling into himself. Logan was the last person he wanted to see him like this, but he could not bring himself to push him away. As the tears fell, his attempt to push them back failing, he pressed one hand to his mouth in a hope to suppress the sob that escaped his lips. It barely did, and ended up just letting a choked, pitiful sound escape.

“Oh, Roman,” he heard Logan say softly behind him as the doors closed. The bed dipped behind him and, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Logan sitting behind him.

Roman shook his head, curling further in on himself. Logan then gently ran his hand down Roman’s shoulder and back.

“Roman, can you sit up for me?”

“I do not want you to see me like this,” Roman said quietly, his voice thick with tears and hurt.

Logan sighed. “Roman, this does not bother me,” he said. “I just want to talk to you, help you.”

Roman hesitated, thinking over Logan’s words. It did not seem like Logan came to his room to judge him, and what he said appeared genuine. Finally, slowly, Roman pushed up so that he was sitting. His head pounded from being drunk and crying, and the movement did nothing to help him. Roman sat, cross legged, in front of Logan, staring down at his hands.

Logan then placed his own hands out to Roman. Roman snapped his head up, searching Logan’s face. He looked for the scrutiny, for the joke, for the waiting for Roman to take his hands only for Logan to run from him.

All he received, though, was a small smile and an encouraging nod.

Roman, worrying his bottom lip, placed his own hands in Logan’s. Logan gently squeezed them and Roman relished in the softness of his companion.

“You have finally seen how unstable the heir to the throne is,” Roman said weakly, his voice cracking on the last syllable.

Logan shook his head. “Not at all,” he said quietly. “In all honesty, Roman, I admire your honesty. I… it might have been difficult to say what you did, but I never would have even been able to think about saying what I wanted to me parents.”

Roman laughed bitterly and shook his head. He averted his eyes as more tears spilled out. “It was not worth it,” he said. “I feel mortified, I think I insulted our guests, and my father hates me for it. He-” Roman’s breath caught again and he had to force his next words out. “He said that my mother would be disappointed.”

“Oh, Roman,” Logan said, frowning. “You know that that is not true.”

“How do I know?” Roman asked, fire burning in his tone. “She is not here to say that she is proud of me.”

“She is not here to say that she is disappointed, either,” Logan pointed out calmly and Roman’s aggravation died as quickly as it started.

Roman sighed and looked down. “I feel like I am destined to ruin myself every opportunity I get.”

“I feel like you are trying to let yourself live the life you want in a household that says otherwise,” Logan said. “It is incredibly brave of you.”

“Brave?” Roman scoffed. “I just told one of my possible suitors and her family that I see no point in marrying someone who I do not want.”

“Lady Adelaide is not offended,” Logan said. Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “Lady Victoria was telling me that there is a noble boy she is in love with. Her parents adore him but had high hopes for a royal marriage.” Logan then offered a small smile. “If it makes you feel any better, now she will get to marry who she wants.”

Roman could not help but give a weak smile back. “Silver lining,” he murmured.

An idea sprung to his mind and the thought made him look away from Logan. Roman had already said so many things throughout the night that have had their consequences. He could say one more thing, and it would further determine whether or not he was destined to have his heart further broken by Logan.

Roman pulled his hands away and Logan allowed it. He trained his eyes on his hands, fidgeting as he waited to find his words. Logan said nothing, patiently waiting on Roman’s terms. “I have to tell you something,” Roman finally said quietly, tilting his eyes up to Logan.

“You can tell me anything, Roman,” Logan encouraged.

“I…” Roman worried his bottom lip, looking anywhere but at Logan no matter how hard he tried. “I do not want to take a wife. I never did. And… and not because I just did not want to marry. If I had the opportunity, I would marry in an instant, but… not to a woman.”

“Oh,” Logan said and Roman’s heart dropped into his stomach. This was it. This was when Logan got up and left, simultaneously laughing and horrified at him. This was when he alerted his parents that they must leave immediately and leave Roman alone and drunk and heartbroken and- “I am the same way.”

Roman’s mind short-circuited. “Pardon?” he asked stupidly.

“I feel the same way you do,” Logan said.

Roman blinked. “But- But you were talking to Lady Victoria so much about those books-”

Logan laughed and raised an eyebrow. “So talking books means that we are destined to be married?” he questioned and Roman blushed. “Besides, I was much more attracted to her brother in the academy than I could be to her.”

“Oh,” Roman said quietly. He had wondered what it would be like to find out that Logan felt the same way he did, and was curious if it would hurt more because he and Logan could not be together, then. However, Roman found that this scenario hurt much more. His heart soared knowing that Logan was like him, but now Roman knew that there was no way Logan would be attracted to him after this display. Whether Logan found it brave or not was no matter; Logan was calm and collected, and most likely preferred a man who did not cause scenes at dinner parties.

“Yes, perhaps _oh_ ,” Logan said. “But I think that this should be a subject that we talk further about tomorrow when you are sober. Is there anything else that you need help with, anything that you need?”

 _For you to reciprocate what I feel for you._ “I am okay,” Roman said instead. “Thank you, Logan. I genuinely appreciate this.”

“You know I am always here for you, Roman,” Logan smiled as he stood up from the bed. Logan began to walk out but stopped in the doorway and turned back, “Rest well, Roman. We will talk tomorrow.”

“Rest well, Logan,” Roman said, his brain feeling as if it was working on its own. “I… I will see you then.”

Logan smiled and gave Roman a small wave goodbye before letting the door close behind him.

Roman blinked at the now closed door before falling back onto his bed.

Roman would like to ask the universe why it decided to give him a best friend who was also attracted to men but who would never be attracted to him. He thought it was a very cruel joke to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! this chapter sure was... intense to write imo
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman considered for a minute. What did he want? The answer, the answer that he had known all along, came to him in visions of hazel eyes sparkling behind glasses. In hearing stifled laughter at a side comment Roman made when they were meant to be working. In a close companion coming back to him when Roman needed him most. In a love that Roman thought had been a fantasy all along, but, now, he could not sit back anymore. If he was going to fight for what he believed in, he needed to believe in it, first. “Logan,” Roman finally said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: some self-deprecating thoughts

The castle walls stood high above Roman.

The tapestries, usually shining in vibrant shades of red and gold, looked as if someone threw ash over them. A storm had accumulated throughout the night and continued to rage on into the early morning. Roman would have preferred to sleep through it, waking up when it was almost the afternoon and all that was left were puddles littering the courtyard. Instead, he was woken by his father’s adviser, who was overcome with an anxiety that Roman was very familiar with, claiming that Roman needed to see his father in the throne room at once.

The grey storm outside bled into the throne room and Roman’s soul. His head pounded with the aftereffects of the alcohol and, when he had passed by a mirror on his walk, he was horrified to see his eyes puffy and red from the crying that never seemed to cease last night.

He stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to his father’s throne, his eyes on anything but its occupant. He glanced at the bust of his father being made and saw that, even though it was yet to be finished, the sculptor accurately portrayed his constant disappointed expression.

The father and son remained quiet and, finally, Roman decided to break the silence. Last night was a fight drunk off of anger and failed expectations. It was a fight to see who could break who first. This, though, this moment in the throne room, was to see who would back down first. His father feigned calmness for the sake of being the King, but also to make some point to Roman that his “petulance” could not deter him. Roman’s calmness stemmed from his exhaustion, yes, but also his own knowledge that, even after the previous night, he was not going down without a fight. He could not be scared anymore if he wanted to win.

“You required me, father?” Roman asked with a raised eyebrow.

The King nodded. “I believe that we did not finish our conversation from last night,” his father said far too casually when mentioning such a vicious argument. “I had one last point that I wanted to make.”

Roman nodded. “Which is?”

“I think it is safe to say that you are on your last leg, Roman,” his father said. Roman swallowed the fear that rose in his throat. He did not think he had the energy to break apart any more, but more so, he had to hold his ground for what he wanted, and breaking would not let him do that. “It is evident that you will not listen to me, even when I know what is best, but now you must follow through.”

“But this is not what I want-” Roman started to defend only to be interrupted.

“Not what you want?” His father arched an eyebrow. “Then should I be passing the crown down to Patton? He has had just as much training as you have had, and he listens, so if you truly do not want what you have been prepared for, I will send you to retrieve Patton.”

Roman sighed deeply through his nose. “You know that that is not what I meant,” he said. It was, perhaps, rather informal to say, even to his father - _ especially _ to his father- but Roman was reaching the end of whatever scrap of patience he had left. He knew that his father bringing up Patton was just an attempt to rile Roman up, to make it known that he could be easily replaced. Perhaps it was meant to strike some sibling rivalry in Roman to be better than his father’s favorite, but it just ignited a flame within Roman that he long thought died at his family being used against him; first with his mother, now with Patton.

His father then narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his throne, surveying his son. “Roman, I do not see why you are making this a much bigger matter than it has to be,” he said. “This is not a matter of will or want. It is a matter of responsibility. You know, and have known for a very long time, that your future marriage will be based on what is best for this kingdom. You must marry well to bring in another strong title to this family. We need to have strong alliances, Roman, and you throwing a fit every time that I suggest a well-off noblewoman from a strong family is, frankly, very immature. Your stubbornness might have been charming to some when you were a child, but now it is just rather distasteful.”

Roman could not help but laugh with a shake of his head. “I did not realize that my wish for happiness against your demands was so upsetting to you.”

“I do not remember asking for a snarky remark,” his father said. He was just able to mask his annoyance with an alarming coolness.

“I do not remember asking for a marriage,” Roman pointed out. He knew that he was walking a dangerous line; he and his father never got along, and both knew that, so both knew to expect smart comments from either side. However, since Roman was, apparently, on his final straw, he possibly should have been taking precautions to be more careful. But just as much as Roman was on his father’s last nerve, his father was on Roman’s last one, too.

But Roman, also, had a feeling that his father was all bark and no bite. His father always held the crown over Roman’s head, dangling it as if it was something he had to jump for, and not something that had always been his. It was his mother’s dream for Roman to be heir, and even his father was not cruel enough to disrespect the wishes of the dead. Roman believed that he could push and shove as much as he wished, that he could fight for what he wanted and defy, and the crown would never move. His father liked to scare Roman by saying that he could easily give the crown to his younger brothers, and while he could, he never would. He only used it to scare Roman, and it only worked if Roman was upset or desperate. If Roman stood his ground, though, he believed that he was safe.

“Do you think I was always happy being married?” his father asked with a shake of his head. “Not at all. We all must make sacrifices for the greater good, Roman.”

“Between you and mother, yes, I do think one of you made a sacrifice.” Roman made it a point to make a poignant pause. “Unfortunately, she is not here to tell us.”

His father’s jaw tightened and he glared at his son. “You do not see Logan complaining.”

“That does not mean that Logan is content with this situation,” Roman said.

“It means that Logan understands that familial duty has a higher ground over anything else,” his father said. “He does not make a mockery of his family name by refusing what is best for him.”

“Hopefully, Logan will learn to use his voice, then,” Roman said. His father’s fist clenched and, for a moment, fear came back into Roman’s heart that his father was going to move from his throne.

“You are dismissed,” his father suddenly said, his voice tight. “If you truly wish to stand there and act like a child, then I will treat you like one. You can leave, and I will only call you back if it is dire.”

“I enjoyed the chat, father,” Roman said and spun on his heels. His shoes clicked loudly against the dull marble as he walked out of the throne room. However, with his hand on the handle, he looked back over his shoulder. “I truly think that if you wanted to move the crown, you would have done so years ago.”

His father’s silence was the only answer Roman needed. He pulled the door open and walked out, letting it close loudly behind him.

Patton and Virgil, who Roman now realized had been in the room over the entire time, quickly ducked away from the doorway to the parlor in a failed attempt to convince Roman that they had not been eavesdropping.

Roman sighed and rolled his eyes, stepping into the doorway. He observed his brothers sitting on the couches, too stiff to feign innocence. “You two need to learn better eavesdropping skills,” he said and pointed to the loveseat closest to the wall connecting throne room to parlor. “Sit there and you can hear everything.”

“Noted,” Virgil said.

“Is everything alright?” Patton asked, concern etched into his features. “Are _ you  _ alright?”

Roman beckoned his brothers to followed him. “If you could hear us, so can our father,” he said, leading Patton and Virgil away and out of the corridor. 

They eventually arrived to Roman’s room and Roman shut the door behind the three of them.

“So, what happened?” Virgil asked, sinking down into one of Roman’s chairs. “Are you still…” He trailed off, averting his eyes.

“Still alive? Yes. Still angry about everything that transpired yesterday? Yes. Still heir?” Both of his brothers perked up, eager to hear the answer they had been waiting on. “Yes,” Roman said. “Father makes his threats but I know that he will not go through with them. He even got creative and used Patton in his most recent one.”

“You know that I am not trying to-” Patton rushed out, already trying to defend himself for something Roman had not accused him of.

“I never said you were,” Roman interjected. “It is just  _ amazing _ what our father will pull to try to get me to comply. Nevertheless, I am tired, I have a pounding headache, and I am finished with taking our father’s bullshit. He wants to keep trying to shove me into a mold that I do not wish to fill? Fine, but he cannot expect me to do nothing.”

“What are you going to do, then?” Virgil asked.

Roman shrugged. “I believe I must fight for what I want.”

“What _ do  _ you want, Roman?” Patton asked.

Roman considered for a minute. What did he want? The answer, the answer that he had known all along, came to him in visions of hazel eyes sparkling behind glasses. In hearing stifled laughter at a side comment Roman made when they were meant to be working. In a close companion coming back to him when Roman needed him most. In a love that Roman thought had been a fantasy all along, but, now, he could not sit back anymore. If he was going to fight for what he believed in, he needed to believe in it, first. “Logan,” Roman finally said. It was not a conversation he expected to be having outloud, let alone with his brothers, but he did not believe that he could keep his thoughts at bay any longer.

“Well, yes, obviously, but what else?” Virgil asked.

“Well, I would like to-” Roman then faltered and blinked at his brothers. “Wait, what do you mean by ‘yes, obviously’?”

Virgil arched an eyebrow and Patton gave a sheepish smile. 

“Oh, please tell me it was not obvious and you two did not say anything,” Roman frowned.

“It was an unspoken agreement that we knew something was happening, but also that we would not say anything,” Virgil explained.

“We did not want to meddle with whatever you were feeling,” Patton said.

“Also I think that there are some things that we just should not interfere with,” Virgil shrugged. “Your relationships with others being near the top of that list.”

“So, what you both are telling me, is that I have walked around with my heart on my sleeve, like a fool?” Roman asked with an eyeroll. “You two are both terrible, and when I am King, the first order of business is banishing you two.” Patton grinned and Virgil levelled a look at Roman. If Roman was being honest, he was fairly disappointed that his threat was so easily seen through. “Now, though, go away. I have a headache and I think I might still be slightly drunk, so I wish to sleep.”

On his brothers’ way out, however, Roman called after them, “And I do want to be King! I am not just some love sick fool, I have dreams and aspirations and hopes!”

Currently his main dream, aspiration, and hope was _ Logan _ , but Roman digressed.

\--

Roman realized that there was a slight flaw in his plan of fighting for what he wanted, which was Logan. That flaw being that Roman might not be what Logan wanted. 

When Roman was heavily intoxicated the previous night, he convinced himself that Logan might not want Roman because Logan probably wanted someone levelheaded. Someone who could stay calm in tense situations and have educated conversations about different sciences and literature. It was not even that Roman was not educated, he actually did very well in his studies, but Logan went to prestigious academies and universities. Every day he was surrounded by intelligent, collected people who did not cause scenes at dinner parties and could probably figure out the meaning of life if they so wished.

Now Roman, sober, only believed this more. Him and Logan were just meant to be friends, and that was it. Thinking back on everything that has transpired with Logan, Roman realized that Logan was treating him as only that: a friend. The teasing was that of old friends, not budding lovers. The reminiscing was to fondly remember a simpler time, not to pave the way for a new path that they would take together. Logan comforting Roman was nothing more than a friend being there for a friend.

Roman believed that he was a fool for looking so deep into it. He believed that he was an even bigger one for still holding onto the thought of him and Logan, even if everything pointed against it. He should have known from the moment Logan entered his castle once again that his attraction from when they were younger was far from over, but that Logan had also grown from it. Roman was excited for Logan to come to the castle because it meant that he could see an old friend, and was excited that he stayed because he felt something that he had not felt in a long while. But Logan only came because he was supposed to; he came because it was what his parents told him to do and he was going to leave with a wife, even if he had expressed his dissent about it with Roman.

Roman sighed as he leaned back in his chair closest to the window. The sun never shone during the day, the dark grey sky and rain blocking it the entire time, and now all Roman saw was the darkness of night mixed with any lingering clouds. 

The rest of the day in the castle was as awkward as Roman expected it to be. He and his father did not speak and barely even saw each other for the whole day. Patton and Virgil served as constants, but as the day grew later, even they started to feel the weight of the familial tension. Cyril, being his father’s advisor, bared the brunt of his father’s frayed patience and spent most of the day running back and forth between servants and knights to relay requests and orders. Duke and Duchess Clark tried to act as if the previous night had not happened, which just made things more awkward because their version of “acting like it never happened” meant that they did not speak of anything.

Also, Logan had barely left his room the entire day. Roman had first casually visited the places that Logan usually went to, such as any of the studies or libraries. Then he tried the parlors because Logan occasionally enjoyed an afternoon tea or coffee. He even peeked out the window at the garden to see if Logan was enjoying the storm outside, for whatever reason. However, at finding everywhere else vacant, Roman eventually took to walking up and down the guest wing repeatedly.

Occasionally, from Logan’s room, he heard someone moving around or a soft cough. Roman assumed that Logan, probably mortified by Roman’s actions and hoping that Roman would forget that Logan came to him after the dinner, was avoiding him.

Even when dining, Roman had not seem him, because the Sanders and Clarks chose today to use seperate dining halls.

Roman did not want to admit to himself that his friend staying far away from him broke his heart a little, but even he could not tell himself a convincing enough lie. It lead him to trying to find solace in his own room, but he found the time alone neither comforting or cathartic. He just found it, if anything, depressing, and also furthered his point that he ruined everything with-

Roman was snapped out of his thoughts by quick, erratic knocking on his door. Furrowing his eyebrows, he stood up from where he sat and slowly approached the door. Upon opening, his eyebrows shot to his hairline at who stood on the other side of it.

“Logan,” Roman said, unable to hide the confusion from his voice. “I-I have not seen you all day.”

“May I come in?” Logan asked. He looked flustered with his hair mussed and Roman could clearly see his mind running wild behind his eyes.

Roman nodded slowly. “Of course,” he said, opening the door wider. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, maybe, I do not know,” Logan rushed out as he entered Roman’s room. Roman shut the door and turned to face the other. “All I know is that I cannot shake myself of the thought of you any longer.”

Roman froze at hearing those words but Logan did not even notice. He was too busy pacing Roman’s floor and looking at anything but the Prince.

“I thought it was nonsensical,” Logan continued. “To be excited to be coming back here. I thought whatever feelings I had felt for you years ago were childish, and were sure to have faded along with never be reciprocated. Coming back here, I knew that I was returning to an old friend, but I also knew that you were really a prince now. You were probably meeting with lovely people everyday, and I was sure that I would make no difference returning to your life.” Logan shook his head with a shaky breath. “But even, despite how illogical it was, I could not lose what feelings I felt. The banter, the laughs, they all killed me because I knew it was all unattainable. It was all just a game between two friends to dull the gravity of what was happening. But still… I could not ignore the attraction that I felt for you, so I allowed for it to continue in false hopes that something could come from it.”

Logan then turned to Roman, who was still frozen in his place. “But then last night happened and…” He trailed off and sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair. “What you said, Roman, I must admit, it inspired me. I knew that you were not content with our situation, neither was I, but I did not think either of us was going to do anything. I thought we were just going to suffer together and eventually conform to what we were supposed to be. But you stood up for what you believed in and, even if you were drunk, I think every word you said was true. You and I should not have to push aside what we want. I do not think that I am brave enough to face our parents, but I think I have enough courage to say this.” Logan took a deep breath, averting his eyes for a moment before pulling them back to Roman. 

“I am extremely attracted to you, Roman, and I have been for a long time,” Logan said, and Roman’s heart leapt to his throat. “I convinced myself in so many ways that it was useless for you are a prince and I did not think that you would feel the way I do. With last night and our conversation after the dinner… I almost told you all of this, but I did not want to further upset you or condemn myself to heartbreak in an act of passion. I have spent this whole day telling myself that this is all nonsensical, that nothing will come of it, but it is evident that I was not able to convince myself to stay silent. How could I, knowing that there was even the slightest chance that you reciprocated? I needed to tell you all of this, Roman, because I do not think I could leave here in peace without you at least knowing. I completely, absolutely adore you, Roman, and I would rather you tell me right here and now that you do not feel the same than for me to have never said anything at all.”

Roman gaped at Logan in front of him, his mind processing everything he had just been told. All along, while Roman worked himself into panics over a dream that he thought unachievable, Logan had been thinking the same thing. Roman and Logan had both been head over heels for each other throughout their time knowing each other, and both had spent more time worrying about it than acting upon their feelings.

Roman believed that his heart replaced his blood with happiness, for Roman could not stop the laugh that escaped out of his lips and filled his room.

He quickly realized that laughing might not have been the best thing to do upon the look of mortification that crossed Logan’s features. 

“No, no, no!” Roman rushed out, bounding up to Logan and grabbing his hands. He stared up at the other, brown eyes meeting hazel, and Roman grinned. “I-I am laughing because I feel the same, Logan. I always have.”

“Oh,” Logan breathed out, a light pink dusting over his cheeks.

Roman nodded and laughed, squeezing Logan’s hands. “All along, I thought that this was some wild fantasy that could never be real. That you would either judge me or that this moment would never happen. Even if this did happen, and we reciprocated each other’s feelings, I did not think that anything could come from it…” He sighed and trailed off, looking away from Logan. “I… I still find myself unsure if this can truly happen, but I would not be able to forgive myself if I did not try. Logan, what I feel for you… I have tried to force myself to feel it towards women, and I thought that I felt it before towards other men, but with you… everything is different. Everything is lighter and happier and I feel free whenever I see you. Knowing that you feel the same… I cannot let this pass us by. I know what my father thinks, and I know what your parents want, but I want to try, Logan. I want us to act on the feelings that we have repressed for so long. I think we deserve our chance at happiness, even if others do not think the same.”

Roman’s breathing hitched as Logan pulled his hands away, and Roman began to believe that he still managed to ruin everything. That, even after Logan’s speech, what Roman said was too much and that Logan would walk out without a word. However, all his worries washed away when Logan gently cupped his face with his hands and said, “Roman, look at me.”

Roman looked up once again to see Logan smiling down at him. “I want to try this as well,” Logan said softly. “I think it is the least we can do.”

“I believe you are right,” Roman said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I wish to kiss you right now,” Logan continued.

“It is rather rude to leave a prince waiting,” Roman said and, with little hesitation, Logan pulled him closer and brought their lips together.

Roman immediately melted into the kiss, his hands grasping onto the front of Logan’s shirt. He felt sparks shoot through his body, the elation jolting his heart. Logan reciprocated Roman’s feelings and, currently, Logan’s (very nice) lips were on his own; everything that Roman had been waiting for was happening.

Eventually, Roman moved his hands from Logan’s shirt and slipped his arms around Logan’s waist, pulling him as close as he could be. Logan draped his arms around Roman’s neck and, Roman, deciding that he should take as much advantage of this moment as he could, slid his hands under Logan’s thighs and hoisted him up. Logan did not conceal the gasp of being unexpectedly picked up off the ground, especially considering the couple inches he had on Roman, but he only returned to the kiss with a more fervent passion. Roman was sure that both of their lips were going to be bruised.

Roman pushed Logan up against the nearest wall, fully expecting this kiss to be taken elsewhere, when the movement, so close to his desk, jostled one of the dishes at the edge of it to the floor with a loud clang. Roman and Logan both pulled away, their heads snapping to the metal dish, now on the ground, both waiting to hear anyone in any of the other rooms move.

“We need to be more careful,” Logan noted quietly.

“Unfortunately so,” Roman sighed, looking back up to Logan. He then smirked. “But, Logan, I find myself impressed at your skills. I did not expect this from a man so engaged in books and classes.”

Logan laughed but his deep blush did not go undetected. “You would never believe what the academy had classes for,” he teased.

Roman grinned as he set Logan back down and took a step back, not wanting to keep Logan cornered against the wall. “You might have to show me what you learned one day.”

“Perhaps,” Logan said, his eyes slipping to the clock. “But I believe that no one else in the castle is awake, or at least up and moving, besides us two. Perhaps I should head back to my room.”

“Only if you want to,” Roman said.

“I do not want to,” Logan replied, turning back to Roman.

“Then feel free to stay as long as you wish,” Roman said with a smile as Logan stepped forward and, once again, closed the gap in between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have come to the realization that i have accidentally written a slow burn fic. ik that this fic is only six chapters, but i think that if the main pair doesn't come together until the end of the second to last chapter, it's a slow burn.
> 
> thank you for reading!!!
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He understood why things were difficult; he just wished for a situation where they did not have to be so. The sneaking around was getting draining and Roman hated only being able to truly be himself with Logan when they were alone together long after everyone else retired for the evening. Most of all, though, Roman could not stand the spike of panic that rose in his throat every time he thought that someone caught his gaze lingering too long on Logan or when he thought he heard footsteps outside his door when he and Logan were together.
> 
> He just wanted a moment to himself. A moment where he could feel drained and melancholic that his current situation in life was not what he desired. A moment where he did not have to worry about smiling at nobles whose names he would not remember and dance with women who he just felt awful for leading on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so!!! this is it!!! wow, thank you to everyone who has supported this fic and motivated me for this last chapter, bc it definitely was difficult to start. however, once i got going, i honestly had so much fun writing this. but seriously, thank you so so SO MUCH to everyone who read/liked/reblogged/commented!!! you are all amazing and i love you!!! so, let’s finish this out together!!! :D

Even from where he was standing out on his balcony, Roman could hear the commotion from the ball. The party was on the other side of the castle and Roman had hoped that escaping to his room would give him a chance to breathe easily and freely without having smiles forced onto his lips and women forced into his arms for a dance. However, he could still hear the orchestra from where he stood overlooking the garden and, even in the darkness, he could see vague shapes of couples running away from the party, too, to fool around on other parts of the grounds.

Roman wished that he could have been one of them, running off hand-in-hand with Logan to wherever was secluded, but he knew that fooling around in the darkness, thinking no one was around, was a risk too big to take. He, instead, resorted to longing glances across a crowded ballroom and idle conversations -filled with nothing because they could not say what they wished to- in between dances.

He should have expected that his father was not finished with his plans. One dinner party gone awry was nowhere near enough for King Sanders to give up. Therefore, naturally, he concocted a plan for where people were supposed to drink and be loud and be flirtatious: a royal ball. It was planned in short notice, invites only going out with a two-weeks notice, but it was no matter for the people of their city. Every noble family was invited and none of them were going to miss out on a formal invite to a party thrown by the King. Especially not when there was the heir, who was (apparently) planning to marry soon, a second son, who was also coming of age, and a third son, who was not far from being eligible. Even Lady Kirkland and Lady Herington returned after the monstrosity of a dinner party. Apparently even they and their families were not completely put off by Roman’s previous actions.

Typically, Roman would have used the three of them being forced to look and act their best as an opportunity for some of his own “family bonding”. In any other situation, Roman thought that it would have been fun for the three brothers to be the centers of attention. However, this was not any other situation, and instead Roman was forced to watch as Logan danced and laughed with other people at the party while Roman himself had to fake high spirits while talking to people his father wanted him to and dance with daughters of wealthy families.

Roman knew very well why he and Logan had to sneak around. He understood why the couple could not join the ones running around the grounds. He himself experienced what could -and would- happen if they were caught, and he did not think he had the constitution to repeat what happened two years ago.

Still, though, he wished that things did not have to be so hard. More so, he wished his father did not have to be the one to make things so difficult. Patton and Virgil always stood at Roman’s side and were the only people Roman confided in about his and Logan’s relationship. None of the servants or knights treated Roman any differently, even though most of them knew what had happened years prior. It was just his father standing in the way of Roman and his happiness, and it was the biggest barrier Roman had yet to overcome.

He understood why things were difficult; he just wished for a situation where they did not have to be so. The sneaking around was getting draining and Roman hated only being able to truly be himself with Logan when they were alone together long after everyone else retired for the evening. Most of all, though, Roman could not stand the spike of panic that rose in his throat every time he thought that someone caught his gaze lingering too long on Logan or when he thought he heard footsteps outside his door when he and Logan were together. 

Roman sighed as the hot summer breeze blew against his face and ruffled the decor of his jacket. The night, despite its dry heat, was refreshing to Roman, an escape from the suffocating atmosphere of the party. He knew his disappearance was going to be noticed eventually. It was not hard to realize that one of the three princes, especially the one who was supposed to be looking for a future wife, went missing.

He just wanted a moment to himself. A moment where he could feel drained and melancholic that his current situation in life was not what he desired. A moment where he did not have to worry about smiling at nobles whose names he would not remember and dance with women who he just felt awful for leading on.

Roman let out a dry laugh at his own exhaustion. He typically loved parties; he loved the music, the wine, the fancy attire, how the whole world seemed to be up late in the night just to celebrate. And yet, here he was, trying to get as far away as he could from the party that felt more like a responsibility than a joy.

When he heard a light knocking on his door, he could not hold back his eye roll and annoyed sigh. Someone was probably sent to fetch Roman and chastise him for leaving the ballroom, and Roman was going to have to make some excuse that he just needed some air and was not, in fact, dreading every minute he spent at the party.

“I will be returning to the party shortly,” he called back, his voice clipped, when his door opened, not bothering to look back at who it was.

“You do not have to if you do not wish to.”

Roman jolted and looked over his shoulder as Logan approached him. Clad in his normal shades of dark blues, he stood in a stark contrast to the reds and golds of Roman’s room. Roman believed that he looked utterly handsome.

“I apologize,” Roman said, turning back to look over the balcony and garden as Logan stood next to him. “I did not know it was you who was entering.”

“I realized that you disappeared and got worried,” Logan explained. “Are you… alright?”

Roman gave a bitter laugh and looked up at the night sky. The stars shone brightly overhead, yet Roman could not help but feel lost in the vast abyss. “Oh, just perfect,” he said. Sarcasm dripped from his voice and he shook his head. “This night is an absolute joy.”

“Roman,” Logan said and Roman could hear the frown in his voice. 

“I…” Roman trailed off and sighed. He tugged a hand through his hair in frustration. “I am exhausted, Logan. This night is torture.”

“Would you like to talk about it?” Logan asked softly. Roman looked back at him and saw that Logan was holding his hand out. Roman swallowed and, hesitantly, took it.

“Inside,” Roman said before leading Logan back into his room. He shut the doors behind them, stopping the summer breeze blowing through, and sat with Logan on the end of his bed. Logan watched him intensely and, suddenly conscious of exactly how tired he felt and how everything felt wrong, Roman leaned on the other, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder. Logan reached back out for Roman’s hand and Roman, gladly, took it. Logan gently ran his thumb over the top of Roman’s hand and, even at just the light touch, Roman felt something loosen in his chest.

“I know that we have to sneak around,” Roman said, his voice barely filling the room. He could still feel Logan’s eyes on him, so he kept his own trained on their hands. “I know _ why _ we have to sneak around. I… I just find myself exhausted by it.”

“Are you… unhappy, Roman?” Logan asked. Roman could hear the sadness in Logan’s voice and felt how he tensed.

Roman shook his head adamantly. “Not at all,” he said, squeezing Logan’s hand. “Being with you… I know it has not been very long, but I think I am at my happiest. I am just…” he trailed off with a sigh. He worried his bottom lip, trying to find his words, and Logan waited with more patience than Roman could have ever asked for. “I am scared, Logan, and melancholy, and I feel like I am just waiting for heartbreak all over again except different from what it ever has been before. I love being with you. Having to sneak around to be with you is not what distresses me, at least not completely.”

“Then what it is, love?” Logan asked quietly.

“It is what comes after,” Roman said. He swallowed thickly before continuing. “You and your family are not staying here forever. You have an estate that you need to hold miles away. We were brought together again to find wives, and instead we found each other. And- and because of my father and these ‘responsibilities’ that we have to take, we are condemned to spend all our time together in secret, with no one knowing but us. I… I know that you will eventually leave here, and who knows how long it will be until your next return…  _ if _ you ever return. I am just… it saddens me to know that all my memories with you -all these wonderful memories- are just going to be of us keeping a secret. We will be here together, with few others knowing, and then you will leave.”

“I believe you are right,” Logan said. Roman hated his resigned tone and started to feel guilty; he should have waited to have this conversation. He should have waited for when they had time together and did not have to, eventually, return to a party where high spirits were accepted. “But… what of fighting for what you wanted?”

It was not accusatory. There was no malice in his tone, no challenge. Roman huffed out a deep breath and let his eyes slip shut. “I want nothing more than to fight for this, fight for  _ you _ . It seems like, though, every time I try, I get pushed back ten steps.” A dry laugh. “Despite all of my training, even I can get winded in a long battle.”

“I wish that there was something I could do,” Logan said with a sigh. “A plan we could make, or a better solution to think of…”

Roman shook his head and leaned away from Logan to find him staring off into nothingness. He was deep in thought, and Roman believed that he saw gears turning behind his eyes. Gently, Roman turned Logan’s head towards him, his hand gently caressing Logan’s jaw. “I did not mean to push my feelings onto you,” he said. “I know I am the one who is bringing all this sad stuff up and bemoaning about it, but quite honestly? I do not know if there is much that we can do.” He sighed and pulled his hand back, scratching the back of his neck. “It is just something that we will have to deal with eventually.”

Logan nodded. “I still think that we should enjoy the time we have together,” he said. “It would be illogical to rush something that we both enjoy just because we are worried about what will happen afterwards.”

Roman gave Logan a soft smile. “Why, of course, darling,” he said, taking both of Logan’s hands in his. “I… I apologize. I did not mean to bring down the evening, nor did I want it to seem that this, that  _ us _ , was something that I do not want anymore.”

“Oh, Roman, I was not saying that,” Logan said but Roman did not miss how he quickly averted his eyes for a moment.

“Perhaps,” Roman said. “But maybe it is what you were thinking. And I just need you to know that this, despite the circumstances, is making me the happiest I have been in a long while. I would never trade this away for the world, even with the sneaking around and controlling fathers. This is what I want, Logan, and I will do and suffer through what I have to to keep you here, at my side.”

Logan smiled and Roman, glad to see Logan finally relax, beamed. “You do have quite a way with words, Roman,” he said, cupping Roman’s jaw and gently tracing the line of it with his thumb.

“What can I say? I am skilled with my tongue,” he said with a smirk and a wink. Logan scoffed and rolled his eyes but, nevertheless, pulled Roman in for a soft, quick kiss. Roman wished that it could have been longer, that him and Logan could have spent the rest of the night sat where they were with nothing else in the world to worry about. Instead, though, he settled for pulling back and leaning their foreheads against each other. Logan and Roman’s hands found their way back to each other and Roman held on like Logan was the only thing he needed. If he could, he would collect and expel all their fears and restrains and just let the two of them live how they pleased. No crowns to be passed down, no estates to inherit, no marriages to be had; just he, Logan, and the rest of their lives ahead of them.

However, Roman was brought back to the reality that they must face all too quickly when there was a knocking on his door. He jolted more than he should have, and his own shock caused Logan to pull his hands back.

“It is alright, do not worry,” he whispered to Logan, more in a reassurance that this was what Roman wanted and not about who was on the other side of his door. He kissed Logan’s forehead tenderly before standing and walking to his door.

He swung it open to find Cyril standing there, fist raised to knock again. Roman arched an eyebrow. Cyril’s eyes flicked from Roman, to Logan, and then back to Roman. He cleared his throat and said, “Your father and Duke Clark wish to know why you and Marquess Clark have vanished.”

Roman offered one of his most charming grins. “Logan and I just needed some time away from everything,” he said as Logan came up from behind. “That ball was getting awfully overwhelming for both of us, especially since all eyes were on us.”

“You are one to hate being the center of attention, Prince Roman,” the adviser said, sarcasm clear in his voice. “In that case, then, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I was sent to retrieve both of you. At once.”

Roman turned to Logan with a smirk. “They must miss us, then,” he said and Logan let out a small laugh.

“Terribly,” Cyril said dryly.

“I guess we must grace them once again with our presence, Logan,” Roman continued and heard Cyril huff next to him.

“I suggest you two give everyone that privilege now,” he said. “Unless you want others  to come looking for all of us.” 

“That would be quite the hassle,” Roman said. “If we waited long enough, perhaps my father would have come searching, and that would be a tragedy to take him away from such a lovely party.” He stepped out of his room and, when Logan walked passed him, he flashed the other a grin and was happy to get one in return. Then, closing the door behind him, he began to follow Cyril down the corridor with Logan at his side.

“Your sarcasm is noted, Prince Roman,” Cyril said.

“And will be left unreported, yes?” Roman questioned with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“If you, for the first time in your twenty-two years of life, can go this five minute walk without talking, then yes,” Cyril said. “This conversation would have never happened.”

Logan let out a snort at the adviser’s remark while Roman rolled his eyes but stayed silent. Yes, he was dreading the return to the party and all of its tiresome eccentricities, but he was glad to see Logan in higher spirits. He also realized that he himself was not feeling nearly as terrible as he was before, and he believed he owed that to Logan.

\--

Roman, who had been boredly lounging in the castle’s main parlor, counted that Cyril had practically run past the open doorway five times, different papers shoved in his arms each time. After the ball, King Sanders received more letters than any of them could count from the majority of their guests. Those with manners thanked the family once again for the invite, those with daughters asked after the three princes, and those with loyalty to give to the kingdom inquired how their children could become knights. Of course, though, his father did not take care of the messages and their intentions; all the work fell upon his royal advisor.

As Roman watched Cyril bustle past a sixth time, he quickly went over in his mind everything else he could be doing. An insufferable heat had come over the kingdom, so Roman thought it would be best for the residents of the castle to do nothing. Apparently, though, everyone felt otherwise. Patton decided today was a good day to head into the City, so off he went with a couple guards trailing behind him. Virgil, being only sixteen, still had lessons with his tutor, who had arrived only a short time ago. Logan, who Roman was hoping to spend the day doing absolutely nothing with, thought it was a great day to do research in the books of the library that were thicker than his head, and Roman did not think he would be able to handle the heat, the dust,  _ and  _ barely talking to Logan.

Roman quickly realized that not only was he out of options, but also out of people in the castle that he was particularly close to, so he stood and stepped out of the parlor.

“It seems that my father has had you doing work all day, Cyril,” Roman called to the other man. Cyril, halfway down the corridor already, abruptly stopped and turned on his heel to face Roman with an arched eyebrow.

“I did not realize that my workload was of interest to you, Prince Roman,” the adviser said, attempting to straighten out his papers. One flitted away from his grip and down onto the ground. “I can only assume that there is nothing else in this castle to entertain you.”

Roman threw a hand to his chest. “Cyril, I am wounded. Of course your occupation here is of interest to me. What would this castle be without you here to keep us all in line and for my father to overwhelm with work?” he questioned, walking down the corridor. “But you are correct. Everyone here is doing something when it is the perfect day to do nothing.”

“Well, it is like how I told you when you were a child, you have hundreds of trinkets in your room, I am sure you can find something to do,” Cyril said with a laugh. “I would hold onto my days of nothing if I were you, however. Eventually, this will be you with your own royal adviser.”

“A future where someone does all of my work for me?” Roman asked with a smirk. He scooped down to pick up the piece of paper on the floor. “That does sound like me. But exactly! You are our royal adviser! Advise me on how-” he glanced down at the paper “-Lord Williams has three daughters, each one respectively the same age as myself and my brothers, and he would like to see if any of them are of interest to us.” He frowned and shook his head. “Actually, I do not think you should show this one to my father. If they are going to try to court princes who do not wish to be courted, they should at least try for subtlety.”

Cyril sighed and took the paper from Roman’s hands. “That  _ is _ one of the more subtle ones,” he said. “And when you choose your own adviser, you can be advised as much as you wish. Now, I must return to your-”

“Wait,” Roman interjected, furrowing his eyebrows. “I choose my royal adviser?”

Cyril nodded. “Yes, I believe you already know this,” he said. “An adviser is only good for the time that that particular regent is ruler. I was actually chosen by your father years before he was king -we were always good friends and he trusted me- and I will be his royal adviser until the crown is passed down to you.”

Roman nodded intently. “So you have been in this castle your entire time as adviser?”

“Yes, wherever your father goes, I go,” Cyril explained, his eyes down on the paper and not on Roman, whose eyes someone could definitely see gears turning behind. “I will continue to be here unless your father suddenly decides to dismiss me.”

“Is it only my father who can dismiss you?” Even Roman knew it was a strange question, but it was now something that he needed to know.

Cyril looked up and furrowed his eyebrows. “What an odd question. I trust that  _ you _ are not trying to dismiss me, Prince Roman,” Cyril said and Roman adamantly shook his head. He then sighed and continued, “But, yes, since your father is the one who chose me as his adviser, and not any outside personnel, only he can dismiss me of my duties.”

“Wonderful. Thank you, Cyril, I-”

“What is the meaning of you asking all of these questions?” Cyril asked. “I thought you were dedicated to doing nothing?”

“You said it yourself, I will have to do all of this eventually,” Roman said, turning on his heel as he began to walk away. “Might as well start preparing now. Thank you, again, for all your help!”

Roman, of course, had a plan.

First, he needed to find Logan.

\--

“Roman, what is so important that you needed to drag me away from my studies _ and _ the library?” Logan, trailing behind Roman, asked.

Roman grinned over his shoulder. “Have patience, Logan!” he said. “I will tell you once we get to my room.”

“This sounds awfully secretive,” Logan said with a raised eyebrow, though Roman did not miss the smile on his lips.

“Not necessarily,” Roman said, looking forwards once again. “Just… something that I must tell you first, then everyone else.”

“That still sounds ominous,” Logan noted as the two approached Roman’s door.

Roman spun around to face Logan with a grin, leaning back on the door. “Logan, you do trust me, correct?”

“Are you asking me from experience? Because I have known you for very long so-” Roman pouted and, with a laugh, Logan continued. “Yes, Roman, I do trust you.”

“Great!” Roman exclaimed and swung open his door. “Now, come on, we do not have a lot of time to waste!” He pulled Logan into his room and shut the door behind them. Roman was practically rocking back and forth on his heels as Logan sat on the edge of his bed.

Logan eyed his demeanor with an amused smile. “So? What is so important that you must tell me in the privacy of your room?”

“I have figured out a way for you to remain here,” Roman beamed. “And it is, in my completely honest and valid opinion, practically perfect.”

Logan arched an eyebrow. “How so?” he asked. “Have you pleaded to our fathers in allowing me to stay?”

“Something better, and much more foolproof,” Roman said.

“Well, are you going to tell me what it is?” Logan asked. “You are leaving me in suspense, Roman.”

“You can be my royal adviser!” Roman revealed, grinning. “It is a perfect plan, Logan, listen to this! As my advisor, you stay here in the castle, even if I am not King yet! You can get any training or studying that you need done. Considering that I am the one who is giving you this position, no one else but me can dismiss you, which means that my father cannot do anything about this. You will be my adviser for as long as I am King, so not only will you have a steady profession, but we can be together for years! Besides, you being adviser means that you need to start preparing now, so it will probably distract from this whole marriage thing and-”

“Roman, stop,” Logan suddenly said. His tone was tense and his expression anything but thrilled, which is what Roman had hoped for.

Something heavy, something that felt a lot like dread, started to settle in Roman’s gut.

“What is it?” Roman asked with a frown, hating how quiet his voice was.

“That is not what I want, Roman,” Logan said. 

Roman felt as if someone had knocked him backwards. “Wait, what?” he questioned, confusion clear in his voice. Roman’s plan was supposed to _ work _ , it was supposed to be the flawless plan that changed everything, and now Logan, a key component in it, was the major flaw.

“At least, not in this way,” Logan continued, shaking his head. “I do not want you just giving me royal positions because you want me to stay. I-”

“But do you not want to stay?” Roman cut him off, furrowing his eyebrows. “We have already talked about this! How we both want something, anything, that could allow you to stay. Well, we found it!”

“Roman, of course I want to stay,” Logan said. “But-”

“But what?” Roman asked, unable to hold back the aggravation in his tone. He could not understand Logan’s apprehension; if he truly wished to leave, he should just say it, and not toy with Roman like this. “This is what we have been hoping for! What issue do you have with this?”

“Because I do not want to use you, Roman!” Logan exclaimed, his voice filling the room.

Roman furrowed his eyebrows, frowning. “Use me? Logan, you are not using me-”

“An old friend of the heir returns to the castle and, suddenly, becomes the next royal adviser,” Logan said. “From any outside perspective, that sounds like the Prince is being used. Royal positions are supposed to go to people who have been trained for this, not old friends, not lovers.”

Roman tried to ignore the piercing feeling that shot through his heart. “But you are not using me if it is me who asks you,” he said. “I want you to be my adviser because you can stay! We can be together, Logan, and no one else can make you leave!”

“See, but that is exactly it!” Logan said. “You are giving me this position because you want me to stay, and nothing else.”

“Of course there is something else, Logan!” Roman defended. “You are smart and responsible and you know me! If I was to have a royal adviser, no matter who we are to each other, you would make the most sense!”

“But was that your initial thought?” Logan asked. “When you made this decision, was it just based off of passion or were you truly considering my merit?”

Roman’s eyes stung at the dismissive way Logan said  _ passion _ . He swallowed and said, “Why does it matter what I thought first? This situation can fix so many things, Logan, so why does it matter that my initial intention was that you could stay with me? I still know that you would be a great royal adviser, so why is any of this a problem?”

“Because, to everyone else, it just looks like I am using you,” Logan said, sighing. “I return to the city to find a wife and instead was placed into the Prince’s royal court. Do you not think that that will draw attention?”

“Why should I care what people think of who I choose for my inner court?” Roman questioned. “If you are so bent on thinking that you are using me, then fine! Use me, Logan! You are the only person I will allow to do so.”

Logan shook his head. “That is not helping, Roman.”

“Well I do not know what to tell you, Logan!” Roman snapped. “I find this idea that works, that means that you can stay in the castle with me, and you reject it because you are worrying about what people are going to think of you!”

“No, Roman,” Logan said, pushing himself up from the bed and approaching him. Roman, irritated, looked away from Logan, deciding that the wall was much more interesting to look at. “I am worrying about what they are going to think of _ you _ .” Roman quirked an eyebrow but did not look back at Logan. Logan sighed and continued, “All eyes are always on you, Roman, you and I both know that. I do not want people to think that you are easily manipulated, and I do not want people to resent you for choosing me. What if I am not a good adviser to you? They can say what they want about me, but I am worried of what they would say about you.”

Roman scoffed. “If you truly think that, out of everyone, you are the one who would be able manipulate me, I have something quite shocking to tell you.”

“Roman, be serious.”

Roman huffed and finally looked back to Logan with a frown. “No one would say anything negative about either of us because you would be a great adviser,” he said quietly. “Of course, at the end of the day, I cannot force you to take this position. I… I guess I can see why you are worried. But, Logan, you should not be! You are extremely educated, you work well with other people, and you have always had a good reputation here, even when you were a child. Yes, I initially wanted you to be my adviser because it would allow you to stay. But, if you did not have your merit, I do not think I would have asked you. I would have obviously thought of another perfect plan that would definitely work.” Roman smiled when Logan laughed slightly. “But… is that truly not what you want? Do you not want to be my adviser? We can probably think of another thing-”

“It is what I want, Roman” Logan admitted. “And if it is what you want, too, then so be it.”

“Well now you are making me feel like I am the one doing the manipulating,” Roman frowned. “I know this goes against everything I just said, but, at the end of the day, I do not want you agreeing because you think it will make me feel better. This… this is your life, too, and I am sure we can find something else that would work.”

Logan laughed. “Roman, if  _ you _ think you are someone who could easily manipulate me, I also have something shocking to tell you.”

Roman laughed, too, and any irritation that he had left in him was washed away when Logan pulled him into a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around Logan’s neck “Is this truly what you want, though?” Roman asked, his voice muffled.

“It is,” Logan said. “I… I initially rejected it because I did not want to use you, or for you to make a decision that you would later regret. It was never because I did not want to stay here, and definitely not because I did not want to be with you any longer. I want to be here, Roman, and I want to be here with you.” Roman’s grinned as Logan pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Besides, now that you mention it, I do think it makes most sense for me to be your adviser. I do not think anyone else would be able to handle you.”

“You are quite correct,” Roman laughed, looking up at Logan. “You do seem to be the only person who can deal with my eccentricities.”

“Well, of course,” Logan said. “It is because I love you.”

Roman’s face flushed at the words, the words he had thought for so long but had never said, at least not out loud. Loving Logan was never supposed to be something that was real, and yet here Roman was, with Logan in his arms and so much love to give in his heart.

At the slightly panicked look in Logan’s eyes at Roman’s silence, Roman realized he should probably say something.

“I love you, too, Logan,” Roman said, his voice barely filling the room as the words were just meant for the two of them. “I have for a long time.”

“Me too,” Logan said.

“I am sorry for snapping at you.”

“I think I should apologize, too, for upsetting you.”

“Are we okay?”

“We are. We were never not okay.”

“And you are staying?”

“I am.”

Roman grinned. When he pulled Logan down into a kiss, Logan’s arms tightened around his waist, and Roman hoped that he would never let go.

\--

Roman, for once, was glad to have to speak with his father. Of course he had to go tell him that they must prepare a permanent room in the castle for Logan, considering that they had many to spare.

He learned that his father was in his own wing, probably still going over any papers given to him by Cyril, and, to be honest, Roman was glad that he would be disturbing his father while he was alone. It might have looked much more suspicious if he would have had to distract his father from a meeting or a conversation with the Duke and Duchess.

Roman approached the woman that guarded his father’s wing. “I would like to speak with my father,” he said. “Do you know if he is busy at the moment?”

“One moment, please, Your Highness,” the guard said. “I will go check right now.”

Roman nodded, watching as the guard pulled open the grand doors and slipped into the corridor. Left alone at the start of the corridor, Roman swallowed any final nerves that tried to creep their way into his system. Declaring Logan as his adviser, an act that his father could not dispute, very well may throw his father’s plans into turmoil. He could not go in their fearing a fight, as his father would see right through Roman in a heartbeat.

The guard poked her head out and then opened the door further for Roman. “Your father is in his study, Your Highness,” she said. “He said that you may speak with him.”

“Thank you,” Roman said, smiling, as he walked further into the corridor. His father’s study was the second door to his right and Roman forced himself to push open the door without hesitating.

His father looked up at Roman from where he was sitting at his giant desk, crowded with papers and trinkets he collected over the years. “Roman,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You have come to speak with me?”

Roman nodded, standing in front of the desk. “I have,” he said, forcing his eyes not to wander to everything in the room but his father. “I have thought some things through that I think you should hear.”

A smug smile appeared on his father’s face. “Have you, now?” he asked. “Well, what would that be, Roman?”

His father thought that Roman was finally about to agree to taking a wife. He thought that all his constant badgering and shoving was finally going to make Roman fall into place as the heir he always hoped for.

Well, Roman had a surprise for him.

“Well, as heir I know that there are some responsibilities I have to take on and people I need,” he said. His father nodded, still wearing that smug smile. “And, recently, I have been thinking about my inner court and preparations I need to start making now for whenever the crown is passed down to me. So, I have decided to declare Marquess Logan as my adviser for the current time being, but also as my future royal adviser for when I am King.”

The smugness suddenly slipped off his father’s face, his eyebrows furrowed, and Roman continued. “I know that you declared Royal Adviser Cyril as your own adviser years before you were King, and I feel that that is something that I must do, too. I am aware that there are certain things a royal adviser must be trained in, such as learning how to properly deal with other esteemed figures and the customs of allied countries, and I figured that, since something like this will most likely take priority over anything else currently, I should alert you to this decision as soon as it is possible.”

His father nodded slowly. “Does Marquess Logan already know of this? Have you spoken about this to him?”

Roman nodded and smiled. “Why, of course. He already agreed to the position. I understand that that means that he will be staying here for now on, yes? I figured that I needed to tell you so that we could have a permanent room made for him, and that perhaps Cyril can mentor him.”

“And that is all that you wish to say?”

Roman nodded again.

His father then sighed. “That is a pressing matter,” he said. “Most advisers, despite being technically for a king, tend to start their work immediately, even if it is only for a prince. I will alert Duke and Duchess Clark and we will make the proper adjustments.”

Roman smiled. “Thank you, father,” he said. “I will leave you to your work, then.”

“Shut the door behind you, please,” his father said, eyes already back to the papers on his desk. Roman nodded, though his father could not see it, and left the room and the King’s wing, making sure to shut each doors.

He quickly, excitedly, returned to his room, where Logan was still waiting for him, and pushed open the door.

Logan, who had been sifting through Roman’s bookshelf, whipped his head around when Roman entered. “Well?” he asked, nerves shining through. “What did he say?”

Roman beamed. “Well I told him that I declared you as my future royal adviser-”

“Very efficient wording,” Logan commented.

“I know, I have a great way with words,” Roman said. “And then I alerted him that this was a very important matter that should take utmost priority because you need to start getting your training and will probably be mentored by Cyril for a while -which I would not worry about as, he is a bit of a stickler, but he has a surprisingly cunning sense of humor- and that this matter is very important as advisers typically also assist their princes if they are declared before he is crowned and-”

“Roman, now is not the time for suspense,” Logan said.

Roman grinned and continued with, “He said that this is a very pressing matter and that he will speak with your parents so that all of them can make proper adjustments.”

Logan let out a breath that Roman assumed he had been holding the entire time. “Oh,” he said, voice relieved.

“Yes, oh,” Roman said, stepping closer to Logan. “I made sure to emphasize that this event should take much more priority over finding wives, as one is preparing for a time when I am King, and the other is just something, not even a grand formality, that we are being coerced into.”

Logan smiled. “So, you think we do not have to worry anymore?”

Roman nodded, taking Logan’s hands in his own. “I do not wish to raise our hopes so high,” he said. “But I do have a good feeling that marriage will not be such a grave issue anymore.”

\--

Despite Roman’s own words, he could not help himself but get his hopes up at the sudden silence from his father that came over the next couple days. After Roman mentioned that he declared Logan his adviser, all talk of marriage seemed to come to a halt. Roman no longer heard of letters coming in to the castle asking for a single daughter to have a meeting with Roman. There were no more dinner parties or balls in the making. Even Roman’s father stopped mentioning anything about marriage, which was definitely delightful.

Roman had had his doubts about his and Logan’s main issue vanishing, but now it appeared that they were in the clear.

“You know, it is going to be incredibly nice having you live only a couple corridors away from me,” Roman said to Logan.

The couple was sitting outside on Roman’s balcony. The dreadful heat and humidity that had settled over the kingdom had finally broken, now leaving the summer air enjoyable with a light breeze. They also had a newly opened bottle of wine in between them, which was definitely nice.

“I am quite excited,” Logan said, smiling at Roman. “Not only will I be here with you, but I have missed living in this city. It was quite difficult to adapt moving from the major city that contained the royal family to a small city in another country, practically in the middle of nowhere.”

“Well, now you are back where you belong,” Roman said, smiling back softly. He reached across the table and held out his hand to Logan who, without hesitation, took it.

“Something that I have been waiting for since I left,” Logan said. He then pressed a kiss to Roman’s hand and Roman felt his face flush. “I loved the academy itself, but it was still difficult being there. No one else was like you.”

“What a tragedy,” Roman said with a smile and a shake of his head. “An academy without any truly charming people. I do not think I would have survived.”

Logan laughed and Roman could have listened to him forever. “Yes, it was a struggle having no one to accompany on outrageous adventures.”

“Well, luckily for us, now there will be many more,” Roman said. “Now, though, I think we should-”

Roman cut himself off at the knocking that was loud enough to travel from his room to the outside. “Roman? Are you in there?” Patton then called from the other side of the door.

Roman groaned and leaned his head back. “I can never get a moment of privacy anymore,” he complained as Logan laughed again. “Maybe if I just stay silent, he will go away.”

However, when Patton continued knocking and eventually said, pleading, “Roman, please, this is important,” Roman and Logan shared a worried look.

“Maybe you should see what is going on,” Logan said quietly.

Roman nodded slowly. “Maybe I should,” he said and stood up, rushing to the door with Logan behind him.

Roman swung the door open and looked down at Patton’s concerned face. “What happened?” Roman asked his brother, raising an eyebrow. “What is so important?”

“Our father and Duke Clark are sending out dowries,” Patton rushed out, his eyes nervously flicking from Roman to Logan.

Roman felt his blood run cold. “Wait- wait, what?”

Patton nodded. “You remember Lady Kirkland and Lady Herrington, yes?”

Roman swallowed the thickness in his throat. He already had a feeling he knew where this was going. “Y-Yes, I do.”

“Well, our father and Duke Clark have, apparently, been planning to send dowries to to the families for the two ladies,” Patton said, his own voice shaking to match how Roman felt. “They- because they know that Logan is going to be your adviser, they feel that they need the marriages to happen now so that- so that Logan can start focusing on preparations now. Now they… now they are looking past what you two think and are going straight to arranging the entire ordeal themselves.”

Roman then turned to Logan, slowly, with a horrified expression.

His plan to make Logan his adviser was distract their fathers from arranging a marriage. It was supposed to take the highest priority. His father even said that they were going to arrange things accordingly so that Logan and his future studies could be accomodated.

Of course, though. Of course his father would see Roman’s true intentions and use this as an opportunity to still get his way.

“I am so sorry,” was all Roman could manage out to Logan, his throat tightening. He hated that he felt his eyes burning, but Roman believed that he was reaching his limit of being able to handle the constant battling back and forth of this whole situation.

“Wait, wait, stay calm,” Logan said, stepping forward and placing a hand on Roman’s shoulder. “Patton, how did you hear about it?”

“In the parlor,” Patton started. “Virgil and I had seen your father and mother, along with our father, head into the throne room. We were just sitting in there, at first, but we had a feeling that something more was going on. The wall connecting the parlor to the throne room is thin and you can hear everything, so Virgil and I were listening and-” Patton swallowed “-and they were talking about the dowries they made, and how they were only going to tell you two after they were sent out today. They thought it would be better that way, as to not start another argument that would set them further off schedule.”

“We cannot fight this,” Roman managed out, his voice trembling.

“What?” Logan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We cannot fight this anymore. _ I _ cannot fight this anymore!” Roman exclaimed, rubbing at his eyes. “I cannot handle fighting my father on everything anymore if he is just going to take everything I say and twist it so it works in his favor!”

“Roman,” Patton said weakly. “I am sure there is something that can be done-”

“No, there is nothing left anymore!” Roman snapped. “I have finally learned that, no matter what I do, my father is just going to find a way to have it turn against me. They already have dowries made, every thing is already set in motion. Even if I was to say something… I doubt it would work.” He then turned to Logan, forcing his voice to stay as steady as it could. “Your father needs you to marry and have an heir for the sake of your family estate. My father believes that me having a wife will finally make me accept my ‘responsibilities’ and stop… being me.” His bottom lip trembled and he managed out, “I… I just feel that I made everything worse.”

“Roman,” Patton repeated, quietly, sadly.

Logan shook his head. “No, this is not over,” he said. The determination, clear in his voice, broke Roman’s heart further.

Roman sighed, his breath shaky as he willed the tears in his eyes to not fall. “Logan, we cannot change their minds. I did everything I could for us, but they are all determined to win.”

Logan shook his head. “No, now it is time for me to do something,” he said. “I cannot sit here any longer and see you do everything and I just stand back and watch.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “Logan, what-”

“Come on,” Logan said, grabbing Roman’s hand and rushing out of the room with Patton on their heels. “We have to get to the throne room. Now.”

Roman and Patton followed Logan, all three practically sprinting, through the corridors. Roman’s heart was pounding in his chest.

They skidded to a halt outside the throne room. Virgil was still sitting against the wall, his ear cupped to it to listen better. “They are still talking,” he whispered, a panicked look on his face.

“Let us go in, then,” Logan said and knocked on the doors. However, he did not wait for permission to enter and pushed open the throne room doors.

Roman’s father and Duke and Duchess Clark, who had been talking, immediately went silent at Logan’s way of entering. Even Roman was slightly shocked; he typically waited for permission to enter the throne room, and it was his father’s.

The Duke and Duchess gaped at their son, having not expected him to be the one throwing the doors open, and the King offered them both a smile, though Roman noted the tightness of it. “Roman, Marquess Logan, what a surprise,” he said.

“You cannot put down dowries!” Roman rushed out, his voice shaking.

His father arched an eyebrow. “I cannot?” he questioned. “I surely believe I -along with Duke and Duchess Clark- can, since I am the regent here and Duke Clark is still the head of his household, and we are the ones who handle arranged marriages.”

“We know it is very sudden, Prince Roman,” Duchess Clark said, the calmness of her voice boiling Roman’s blood. “But myself and my husband, along with your father, believe that it is the best thing to do. Especially since Logan will be staying here. He could still be in charge of our estate and, eventually, have an heir for it, too.”

“But- but-” Roman stammered, staring wide-eyed at his father.

“Oh, please, Roman,” his father said, exasperated. “Do not give me another childish stream of what you want. I have told you time and time again, this is for you to take on further responsibilities.” His eyes then flicked to Logan. “You do not see Logan complaining, do you?”

“Well, not yet,” Logan suddenly said. All heads whipped to him, including Roman’s. “Though I technically would not call this complaining and would, instead, say that it is speaking the honest truth.”

Roman’s father gaped, obviously not having expected Logan to actually speak up, and Duke Clark was only able to stammer out “L-Logan,” before Logan continued.

“You have all said that arranging marriages for us is for our own good,” Logan said. “And that it will teach us to take on responsibilities that may not be so favorable. Sure, yes, that mindset could be applicable to certain events, such as sitting through meetings with ambassadors or studying with tutors every day. Those are times in which a need for responsibility is evident. But marriage? Marriage should not be one of those situations. A man does not suddenly become responsible because he was coerced into a loveless marriage. If I am being quite honest, I believe an adverse effect could be seen.

“As parents, is it not your main goal to see your child, and especially your heir, living a life that they are content with? You should be focused on who we are becoming as people, and not who we could become once we are married, as I do not believe marriage truly changes a person, especially if both parties are not particularly enthusiastic about it. Better outcomes would most likely come from situations in which your children are happy with the life they have. A parent’s main focus should be whether or not their children are healthy and well, not on a marriage that could very well ruin your child’s mentality.

“Then, to imply that a marriage is the first step in becoming an adult, or being an heir, is nonsensical. In other countries, many princes and princesses have taken the throne without being married. A marriage is not needed to make a King. Is it a formality here? Perhaps, but times and traditions can -and should- change. Plus, implying that your children need to take responsibility by marrying and then taking away their opportunity, as adults, to choose who -and if- they wish to marry is contradictory. It makes no sense for Roman and I, who are adults, to not have a say in this matter. Just because we are not married does not mean that we have not already accepted our responsibilities. Roman has been preparing to take the throne since he was a child. I know that he has gone through training with knights and meetings with other noble figures from other countries. And I, myself, do not need to marry to be able to inherit my family’s estate. Is an heir needed? Perhaps, but just because I do not have one now, and will most likely not have one soon, does not mean that I will never have one.”

Logan sighed and shook his head. “I just… I cannot see so many decisions be made for Roman and myself and not speak up against them. Forcing marriages upon us only rids us of our abilities to choose what we do in life for ourselves. It is not a responsibility, as marriage is not needed to be an heir, and it is, instead, just an inconvenience that has only distressed everyone involved. I know that this is very sudden, I am not typically one to speak out, but I believe that now is finally the time. At the end of the day, do what you wish, but what you all plan will only be detrimental to everyone, especially Roman and I.”

Everyone gaped at Logan, including Roman. Logan nodded, looking between his parents and the King. “Thank you for listening,” he said before turning on his heel and walking out.

Roman only stayed long enough just to hear the Duke and Duchess begin to stammer out apologies for their sons behavior before rushing out after Logan.

Patton and Virgil, who had heard the whole thing from where they sat, were staring at the two of them with their jaws practically on the floor, but neither Logan or Roman stopped to speak to them. Logan and Roman did not stop, actually, until they reached Roman’s room again, where both finally turned to face each other and let out deep breaths.

“Logan,” Roman said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You…” 

“Perhaps just made everything much worse?” Logan questioned, shifting his eyes away from Roman. “My parents are most likely mortified with that. I have never spoken up like that before.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I… apologize. I think I just made things much more difficult.”

Roman shook his head and swallowed around the lump in his throat. “You just did all of that for me,” he managed out.

“Of course I did, Roman,” Logan said, as if it was obvious. “I think it should have been something I did a long while ago. I… I knew I had to do something when I saw how upset you were. I could not handle seeing you like that, seeing you so scared and broken.” He sighed. “I only want to see you happy, Roman, and too many times I have seen you in tears. I do not know what the consequences of what I just did will be, but I had to try it, because even though the odds might be small, I need to see you content and happy with the life that you are living.”

Roman had not meant for tears to start spilling out of his eyes and he clamped his hand over his mouth to muffle any sobs that wished to escape. 

Logan frowned, stepping closer to Roman. “Roman,” he said gently, taking Roman’s free hand. “Please do not cry. If I upset you, I did not mean it, I-”

“No,” Roman choked out, smiling through his tears. His voice wavered but he forced himself through it, “Logan, no one- no one has ever stood up for me before.”

Logan stared down at Roman, his eyes filled with so much affection that it just caused more tears to spill out of Roman’s eyes. Logan then pressed a kiss to Roman’s forehead and Roman then threw his arms around Logan’s neck, his emotions spilling out and tears dripping onto Logan’s neck. Logan wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist, pulling him close.

“Thank you,” Roman whispered. Logan tightened his arms around Roman.

\--

Roman hated to admit it, but he was more scared than he would have liked to be when he was summoned to the throne room the next day. Cyril was sent for him and had informed Roman that his father wished to speak with him immediately.

“I heard of what transpired yesterday,” he had said and Roman, staying silent, only nodded.

Now, he stood in front of the doors to the throne room, staring up at the high ceilings. His hands were shaking and he could not seem to get them under control. After what happened yesterday, Roman and Logan had barely left Roman’s room, no one having come look for them and Roman needed the support. He had no idea whether or not the dowries were sent out and, frankly, he was quite scared to figure out.

“I do not think it will be that bad, Prince Roman,” Cyril said besides him.

Roman wordlessly nodded and pushed open the throne room doors. His father sat in his throne, which now seemed like a walk of a thousand miles, and Roman let the doors shut behind him before he began approaching the throne. He hated that all his fear came back to him and that he could feel his pounding heartbeat everywhere.

He did not hate Logan, though, for what he had done. He could never forget -and could never be more grateful of- what Logan had done for him, no matter the consequences.

When he finally reached his father, he swallowed thickly. “You called for me, father?” he asked, unable to make his voice louder than anything above a whisper.

His father nodded. “I did,” he said. “The Clarks and I have come to a decision.”

Roman, drowning in his own fears and heightened emotions, nearly missed his father’s next words.

“Wait,  _ what?  _ ” he asked, uncharacteristically non eloquent around his father.

“I said that any arranged marriages that were planned have been called off.”

The next stupid question Roman asked was, “Why?” It was definitely something he should not have asked, there were so many better things he could have said, but his need to know his father’s sudden change in mind took priority over everything else.

His father raised an eyebrow at his son’s question but, nevertheless, continued, “I will be honest, I had not expected Logan to speak up. I thought that, as long as he -a close friend of yours- agreed, you eventually would, too.” He sighed and shook his head. “But it appears that I have mistaken complacency for agreeing to the matters at hand. It appears that I have been mistaken on many things regarding you and this entire situation.”

Roman nodded slowly. He wanted to be mad at his father for taking Logan’s words over his own son’s, but he still found himself in too much shock to be anything but surprised. “You could not have thought that this whole situation would work out in your favor,” Roman finally said. “You were trying to dominate every aspect of my life, every aspect of my future happiness. I fought you every step of the way.”

His father nodded. “I know,” he said. “I… I thought it was what was best for you. That settling down would…”

“Would make you what you wanted me to be?” Roman asked and sighed when his father nodded. “It would not have worked, and I think you and I both know that. Your children are not things that you can mold into whatever you see fit. I, along with Patton and Virgil, are all people with our own personalities and wants and aspirations. I know that you, along with mother, had expectations for us when we were younger, but those were not real visions of us. You know as well as I that I do not want to take a wife, and perhaps never will unless I myself decide to find and meet someone who would, for whatever reason, just marry to have an heir. But I make no promises.”

His father frowned and averted his eyes. “I believe that, somewhere between your mother dying and now, I have… lost my way as a parent.”

Roman nodded. “Since I believe we are going for complete honesty here, I have to say that that is true,” he said. “But something before mother dying was off, too. For twenty-two years you have expected things from me that I, as a person and not the idea of what a perfect son could be, could not reach and we have fought countless times over those standards. I cannot say that I forgive you for that. I have spent more time than not stressed and worried that, whatever I am for this kingdom, it will not be good enough. I have had to hide who I am from you and, therefore, from my brothers because I was scared that they would react the same. So, no, I cannot say that I forgive you.” He sighed. “But I do not want to fight anymore. It has become too draining to have to constantly be putting up walls anymore. It has become too stressful for our family, and Patton and Virgil should never have to choose sides, never should have had to in the first place. If we, as father and son, take anything from this situation, it should be that we stop this fighting.”

His father nodded. “You are so much like your mother,” he said. “She was just as stubborn, just as willing to get what she wanted, and just as well spoken.”

Roman nodded. “And I wish she could have been here to see this,” he said. “But I must take my leave, father. I have someone who I must speak to about all of this.”

“You are dismissed, then,” his father said. “I will alert you if I need to say anything further.”

Roman walked out of the throne room, the tap of his shoes echoing through the empty room and down the empty corridor.

Roman had never felt so free.

\--

The Clarks had left that morning.

To be more specific, Duke and Duchess Clark had left that morning. They had left their estate for some time now, and with Logan not marrying anytime soon, they had no reason to stay any longer at the Sanders’ castle.

Logan, however, was standing next to Roman on his balcony. They had hurried up into Roman’s room once the Duke and Duchess had climbed into their carriage, for Logan could see his parents’ ride down the pathway the entire way from Roman’s balcony. Their hands held each other as their sides, and with his other hand, Logan gave his mother a wave, who was currently watching her son from the window of their carriage.

“I know that my parents and I have had our difficulties,” Logan said. “But I will miss them quite a lot.”

Roman nodded. “Then you should write to them,” he said. “Write a lot. I am sure they are going to miss you terribly as well, being that you are their only child and, by default, their favorite.”

Logan laughed and squeezed Roman’s hand. “I have strong faith in myself that I would have still been my parents’ favorite even if I had other siblings.”

Roman smirked. “Everyone always thinks that, and then they have a Patton as a brother,” he joked. “And a sibling rivalry is never even fun when that is the case because he is too nice to even think about being competitive with.”

Logan grinned. “Then perhaps I am lucky, then, for it to just be me.”

“I believe so,” Roman said, leaning his head on Logan’s shoulder. “If you had another brother, I might have fallen in love with him instead.”

“Oh, you are terrible,” Logan said, but any bite to his words was lost with his laughter.

“You love me and you very well know it,” Roman beamed, tilting his head to press a kiss to Logan’s shoulder. He did not have to be so careful now. With the marriages called off and him and his father trying their best to start to smooth things out, he was not so scared anymore.

“You are correct,” Logan mused. “I have loved you for a long, long time.”

Roman blushed, squeezing Logan’s hand. “As I have loved you,” he murmured, his voice as content as the easy summer breeze.

The couple looked down at the kingdom in front of them. Even from where they stood, up on Roman’s balcony, they could see the hustle and bustle of the people going along with their day.

“One day, all of that will be yours,” Logan said. It was not as daunting as it once seemed, and Roman, for the first time in a while, felt a pang of excitement instead of anxiety at knowing that, one day, he will be King. He believed it was because he knew he was going to be with someone who made him happy instead of with someone he was forced to be with.

“It is very exciting, is it not?” Roman asked. “Your lover, King Roman Sanders, definitely has a ring to it.” Down below in the garden, red and blue flowers bloomed vibrantly. Their sweet scents wafted in the air and up to Roman and Logan, surrounded the two in a comforting embrace. “Perhaps, when I am finally crowned King, you can be there at my side in a way other than an adviser.”

Logan smiled down at Roman. “That sounds almost like a proposal.”

“Perhaps it is,” Roman smiled back.

Logan nodded. “Then I think that will suffice,” he said. “Though I will expect something much more grand from you when the time comes.”

“Oh, of course,” Roman laughed. “The grandest of gestures will be performed for you, my love.”

Logan grinned and Roman did not miss the pink on his cheeks. “I await in earnest, then,” he said. “But for now, let us enjoy today and every other day that follows. We have all the time in the world ahead of us.”

Loving Logan was something that was not supposed to be real. It was a fantasy Roman had had when he was younger and something that he thought turned into the cold, harsh truth as he grew older. After Logan had left the city, Roman had expected to perhaps never see him again. He believed that Logan was going to forever be the one that got away from Roman, the one that Roman never had the courage to go after. When he finally returned to the castle, Roman felt as if his dreams were clawing their way desperately into reality. He expected to only be met with rejection and heartbreak, and yet, he was met with Logan. Logan, who was everything and more than what Roman had initially expected; Logan, who understood Roman because he saw who Roman really was, not because he paid attention to the crown that would one day sit upon his head.

Logan, who reminded Roman that the things you loved were always worth fighting for.

“Yes, I believe we do,” Roman said, turning to face Logan. When Logan followed suit, Roman pulled him down into a soft, gentle kiss.

Loving Logan was the best thing that had ever happened to Roman. 

Above them, two birds flew, soaring into loops and twists as if it was the first time they had been released from their cage in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thank you all so much for reading and for seeing these dorks out on their love story <3
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> hiya!!! i currently have this fic planned in four parts, but i'm also using this first chapter as a "trial" to see what people think of it, so kudos and feedback are greatly appreciated!!! thank you!!!
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com  
> (main: actuallygansey.tumblr.com)


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